Searching
For light
It’s that time
Of the year
Green trees
Adorned
With tinsel
Topped
With angels
Or stars
Drawing eyes
And hearts
Searching
For light
It’s that time
Of the year
Scenes of
A stable
Tiny baby
Surrounded
By animals
Love and
Redemption
In innocence
Searching
For light
It’s that time
Of the year
An awareness
The light is
Searching
For us, to be
Reflected in
Our faces
Our words
Our actions
The ground weeps
This morning
Unable
To hold back
The tears
Soaked into
Its roots
From those
Crying above
Hearts
Once light
Now heavy
With worries
Witnesses to
Devastation
Prevailing wind
Moves across
The land
Initially
Unsuccessful
In drying
Their tears
And yet, not
Deterred
I feel it
Right now
Gently caressing
My face
As it whispers
Let your tears
Mingle with
The suffering
Watering
Seeds of hope
Waiting
For Silent Night
Silent Night~Kelley Morris, piano
Unwelcome thoughts interrupted my morning. In those early moments when it was unclear if I was awake or still dreaming. Images that made my heart sink.
An image of me trying to secure a class of elementary students in my storage closet. Was there enough room for everyone? Wait, there is a glass view window in the classroom door. Can I lock the closet door from the inside?
Next, my daughter is in a similar scene. Except hers is a high school special education classroom.
I know why these thoughts appeared today.
A result of the news yesterday.
Another school shooting…
There have been so many in our country, it is impossible to keep track. That statement makes me sad. And while I know I cannot live in that sadness, it must be acknowledged.
I choose not to live my life in the what if’s. Yet, as an educator, these stories are troubling. As a spouse and parent of educators, they are personal. For all of us, they are heartbreaking.
I do not write to offer a solution. Only to express my heart. The heart of a teacher who loves her students and would do anything to protect them. A teacher, like many others, who are tired of the ugly truths that bring these intrusive thoughts.
I am thankful for all the smiling faces that greeted me as they entered our beautiful school this morning. Those smiles helped push the sadness away.
Bright
Sunshine
Ushers in
A new day
Along with it
A new perspective
Yesterday
The sky was
Sleepy
Gray
Still
Do you think
Like us, it also
Needed rest?
Thinking
Quiet
Still
Appreciating
Each moment
Given
Accepting
Each goodbye
Spoken
Certain
The sweetest
Symbol
For love
Rooted deep
In our hearts
Is a smile
Accompanied
By tears
We will be driving home today. And though I am confident in my dad’s medical care and progress, it was hard to say goodbye.
This morning, the sun shone brightly on Pinnacle Mountain. A landmark that was crucial in my growing up years. Whether viewing it from a distance or standing on its peak, always enamored with its beauty.
When trying to explain where I grew up. Have you heard of Pinnacle Mountain? I grew up out in the country, about three miles from there.
I was thankful for its beautiful colors this morning to guide us out.
I will be back soon! ❤️
Look at you
Standing there
Confidently
Exposed
Pieces of your
Outer shell
Left shimmering
In the light
Gentle reminder
Of what was
Before
The release
Of all that
Was heavy
Smiling at
Passersby
No longer
Concerned
With hiding
What is
Underneath
Instead
Baring a gift
Story of
Transformation-
Beauty may
Only be
Skin deep
But love
And truth
Grace your roots
Driving to the hospital this morning, I couldn’t help noticing the trees. Colors are still beautiful, though beginning to fade. A birch tree caught my eye. Only a few of its yellow leaves remained. As the leaves fluttered, I smiled. Look at you! 😊
My dad has been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. I had heard this term but now have a better understanding. It does not happen overnight. And though treatable, it does not go away. He is breathing easier and hence feeling better. Doctors are working on a treatment plan which hopefully includes going home soon.
Not having a definite timeline is frustrating. But that is ok. Life is precious. And I continue to be thankful for our time together. ❤️
Here we are again. Not sure I know anyone who likes hospitals. Some display more adverse reactions than others, I suppose. But when medical care is needed, I am thankful for their existence.
My dad had open-heart surgery eight months ago. During those scary moments of the unknown, doctors and nurses were caring for him. Giving value to his life, even though they did not know him personally.
He is back in the hospital. Difficulty breathing led to the discovery of fluid in his lungs. No complete answers yet, but there is comfort in the familiar. Walking the same halls. Experiencing the same level of care.
No, it’s not where any of us would choose to be on this sunny Saturday. But I am grateful. Sitting here, talking to my dad. Excited to watch Razorback football with him this afternoon. Even if it is from his eighth-floor room at the hospital. Woo Pig Soooie!
Morning fog
A welcomed
Sight
Matched
My fuzzy
Thoughts
Squinting
Into the mist
My eyes
Spotted
Tiny deer
Grazing
In a field
Unphased
Maybe
They felt
Protected
By this
Temporary
Blanket
Knowing from
Experience
Sunlight
Would
Eventually
Burn away
The haze
Yesterday
My steps
Were heavy
Even the ones
Taking me
Where
I wanted
To go
Precious feet
Walked beside
In the sunlight
Of a clear
Fall day
Splashes
Of color
Painting
Our paths
Until the light
Slipped away
And heaviness
Completely
Draped
Demanding
To be named
Before sleep
Could come-
Now morning,
Fragments
Remain-
But I smile
At the beautiful
Pink sunrise
I have not written about depression lately. But honesty is my goal. And sometimes, admitting how I feel is the first step to feeling better. I love the fall colors and cooler temps. But when sunsets come earlier and cloudy days are multiplied, struggle sets in.
I am thankful for friends and family who understand and remind me it is ok.
Walking
Hand in hand
First day
To last
One often
Seen as
Enemy
Of the other
Giver vs. taker-
Picture them
Working
Together
One aiding
The body
Along its path
The other
Waiting
To embrace
Spirit, once
The temporary
Gives out
Death
A part of
Life
Not determiner
Of its end-
This journey
Shares its
Insight-
Those
Left walking
Walk with broken hearts
Thinking of all those grieving the loss of someone close.
Parading around
In costumes
Recognizable
Masks
Distracting me
From the struggle
Taking root
In my soul
Feelings
Can be sneaky
That way
Tricksters thriving
On energy
Expended in a
Tug of War
That leaves
Me trying
To pull the rope
From both ends
There will never
Be a winner
Only the need
To let go
Of the rope
Even if
It means
Falling
In the mud
I often talk about poetry being therapeutic. This poem is a perfect example. It did not provide answers to the questions on my mind. However, writing the words down provided some tension relief. It also reminded me I don’t have to have all the answers right at this moment. Maybe you can relate. ☺️
Piano Girl 