Tag: grief

Today’s Answers

On By Piano girl6 Comments


What is wrong with me? It took a couple of hours to solve the mystery. Though solving did not mean feelings subsided. The emotional range of my morning hit hard and fast. 

Why am I surprised? Sunday is our son’s first Father’s Day! It is also the first Father’s Day without Dad. So much joy and sadness co-exist. But I know I’m not alone. 

How are you today? My friend Darryl stopped by today. His home is on the streets. He appeared to be having a particularly rough day. Yet, he made a point to ask how I was doing.

Should I answer honestly? His dad also recently died. He didn’t know for several weeks. So many regrets. Told him I was struggling and mentioned that Sunday was Father’s Day.  

Sunday is Father’s Day? A first for us both. Reminded him that we have to keep going. It is ok to be sad, but we can’t stay there.  

What is wrong with me? I miss my dad. I miss my father-in-law. But I also celebrate my son. And I celebrate my husband-all great dads!

What are the answers for today? There is strength in honesty. Sorrow shared is easier to carry. And joy shared multiplies. ❤️

A Single Sliver

On By Piano girl7 Comments

Which holds more power?

A solitary word
Simple phrase
Image viewed
Likeness stored

Each one can
Wash over me
In a single sliver
Leaving its imprint

A curious question
Lingering ache
Quiet smile
Hopeful sigh

Perhaps the power
Does not lie
With the singular
But instead
In the progression

One word leads
To a memory
One phrase, and
A new image emerges

Tears flowing
Stories shared
Prayers spoken
Hearts healed

Family Trees

On By Piano girl4 Comments

We closely watched
As our children grew
Each part of us
Each their own
A continuation
Of family trees
With roots and branches
You and I will never know-
We’ve heard stories of
Transplanted roots
Broken branches
Colorful leaves
We’ve watched
More than once
As one season ended
And a new one began
Love and joy seeded
Along with pain
And heartache-
Seems strange
Speaking of them
In the same breath
Yet, here they are
Wise falling leaf
Innocent Spring bud
Quietly encouraging me
To embrace this current season-

Do not look too far ahead.
Do not look too far behind.
Do not hang on so tight,
That you miss
The peaceful wind
Blowing thru your hair.

Living

On By Piano girlLeave a comment

I used to find the idea of regularly visiting a cemetery puzzling. Not in a disrespectful way. My thought was-Well, I know they are not there.

Today, Mom sent me a photo of Dad’s newly installed headstone. I’m beginning to understand the pull.

As I looked at the design, zooming in on details, I saw the story. Names and dates that represent what was and what continues. Birth, marriage, death-pieces of a beautiful puzzle. A puzzle to which I also belong.

I hope to visit soon. 💙


Stories etched 
In granite gray
Beginnings 
And endings 
Bordered by 
And filled in 
With love 
And hope
A serene spot 
Shaped for 
The kind of 
Remembering 
That leads  
To living

Spilling Out

On By Piano girl6 Comments

Constantly bombarded
By outside sources
A cunning attempt
To create doubt
Are you happy with your appearance?
Wouldn’t you like to be thinner?
Don’t you want to look younger?
If those wrinkles
Around my eyes
And in the corners
Of my mouth
Are tracing the years
Of laughter and tears
Why would I erase them?
If my body is
Telling the story
Of birthing three children
Loving the same man
For more than thirty years
And knowing the grief of loss
Why would I not let it speak?
I am a journey
Of experiences
And emotions
Spilling out
Along the road
For others to see
No apologies
Only grace
Accepted
And shared


Shared Tears

On By Piano girl13 Comments 
Even the warm 
Sunshine 
Was unable 
To keep  
The shadow  
Of dread away-  
Like a dark cloud 
Approaching 
Warning of storms 
Up ahead 
While providing 
No instructions 
For preparation 
Or survival 
Only questions- 
What is about to happen? 
How will I respond? 
A revelation lifts 
The uneasiness 
But leaves behind
A sadness 
The weight of it
Heavy
Pulling strings 
Between souls 
Across minor chords 
Tension eased only 
Through shared tears 

My dad’s only living brother, Sam, is not expected to live much longer. I have not seen him in years. And yet, this news brought sadness. 

Dad has only been gone a few months. I know the heartache Sam’s loss will bring to others in my family.
 
Family ties are often stretched and sometimes broken. I’m so thankful Dad and Sam were able to reconnect in recent years. https://pianogirlthoughts.com/2021/04/01/brothers/



Counting Moments

On By Piano girl4 Comments

It seemed so silly. Embarrassing, almost. Crying in front of a perfect stranger. A customer, at that.

He asked about music: music that reminded me of Dad. The songs could have been a playlist from my dad’s eight-track player in his truck. If playlists had been such a thing back then.

He responded with words of understanding. His eyes reassuringly glistened. We talked about how he had played piano when he was younger. Now that he was retired, he might have more time to play.

I encouraged him to continue playing. Even mentioned taking lessons. He left with a registration form in hand.

A chance meeting? Or maybe, just maybe, a moment worth counting.

Fast forward a few weeks. And a now familiar face walked in the door.

Hi, Mike!

Oh, you remember me?

Of course! I told my family how I had cried in front of a perfect stranger at work!

We both smiled. There were no tears this time.

Decided I would like to sign up for those piano lessons. When can we start?

I no longer felt silly or embarrassed. Instead, I held a moment of awe in the middle of my heart, standing in the middle of a music store.

Remedies

On By Piano girl12 Comments 
I want it to
Go away
The feeling itself
And the way
It makes me feel
Yesterday
It refused-
Sticking around
Like a dull
Headache
Affecting
All of me-
Blurry vision
Upset stomach
Tense muscles-
So it goes
With anger
But like that
Dull headache
I know it will ease
When carefully
Tended with
The right remedies 

Anger is listed in the stages of grief. But somehow, I was not expecting it to be part of my experience. That is not my personality. Nor did I understand its close relationship with sadness. That is, until this week.

Driving to work Monday, I had a sudden image of Mom and Dad at home. They were going through their morning routine, smiling. I smiled. Just as suddenly, I felt mad. Angry at the reality that he is not there with her.

Honestly, I did not recognize it as anger at first. But it did not fade. Two things helped. Naming it and allowing it to work its way out thru tears.

Smiling helps, too. It's just that some days that requires a bit more intention.😊

Simply Sunday

On By Piano girl12 Comments

When our kids were younger, they would spend a week at my parent’s house in the summer. We would meet my parents halfway between our house and theirs. One weekend, dropping off. The next picking up.

This week took me to that halfway point again. Except for this time, I was meeting my brother. And I wasn’t dropping off or picking up kids. It was my mom. She was spending the week with me. ❤️

We had a great time. Lots of time to talk and reminisce. We laughed and cried as we talked about missing my dad. But most of all, we remembered. And remembering is good.

Leave a Message

On By Piano girl2 Comments 
Each bird has 
Its song 
Each song 
Its melody 
Each melody 
Its contour
But each voice? 
Well, that is a 
Bit more complex 
Changing with age 
A familiar timbre 
Develops, yet 
Can be altered
In an instant 
By circumstance 
And emotion- 
Whether warm
And welcoming 
Afraid and unsure 
Or confident
And caring
One thing is sure-
A deep-down longing 
Rises, a desire 
To hear the voice 
Of one no longer here 
Just one more time 
A longing not
Easily erased 
A longing 
Leading me to  
Scour through
Voicemails
While listening 
For memories 
Of your voice
Inside my head