Author: Piano girl

Wife, mom of three, friend, teacher, pianist. Learn from the past, live in the moment, hope for the future.

It’s That Time Again

On By Piano girlLeave a comment
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Please fill out this paperwork.

Date of the last mammogram?
Ultrasound?
MRI?
Personal Cancer history? No
Mom breast cancer? Yes
Aunt breast cancer? Yes

Same questions-every year-sometimes every 6 months. And this time, in the middle of a pandemic.

Here I sit-blue hospital mask. Waiting to hear my name.

Kelley? Dressing room 4. Put on your cape. She’ll come to get you in a minute.

Here I sit-blue hospital mask and floral cape. Waiting again.

So glad I wore my blue earrings today. They’re my favorite!

Seems silly, but somehow, they make me feel a little less nervous.

I’ve done this a million times. And I know it can be lifesaving. There is no other option.

I can’t help but think about the brave women I know who have fought breast cancer. Many won their fight, some did not.

And yet, at some point on each of their journeys, they sat where I’m sitting. Being proactive, preventative. But also wondering, what if there’s something there this time. The thought can’t be helped.

That’s why I sit here, waiting. Wearing my blue hospital mask, floral cape, and favorite blue earrings.

My turn.

Don’t breathe. It is a 4-second test. Breathe. Repeat x 4.

Wait again. Possible ultrasound. Usually, what happens to me. This time, I mentally prepared for that one. Who am I kidding?

It is worth all the waiting and anxiety of this moment. Because it will either provide peace of mind or the need for a plan of action.

Kelley? Bring your things. Follow me.

Ultrasound. Press and click what seems like x 50…

Everything looks stable. See what your doctor says. Otherwise, see you next year.

Walking out into the fresh air, I want to shout to the skies.
Get your mammogram! Do not wait!

Where to Begin

On By Piano girl2 Comments

Strife all around
No peace in sight
Questions with no
Clear answers
Hateful speech
Drowning out reason
Yet, the search
For truth continues
A refusal to remain
Mired in past mistakes
A willingness to
Admit failures
A willingness to
Seek forgiveness
Necessary steps for
A new beginning
Meaningful change
In each heart
That will grow
Exponentially-
If only we will
Begin with love

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” I Peter 4:8


The Bond of Love by Otis Skillings
Let us sing now everyone
Let us feel His love begun
Let us join our hands
That the world may know
We are one in the bond of love

Freedom in Forgiveness

On By Piano girl5 Comments

Forgiveness may seem a surprising subject for the Fourth of July. But somehow, this year, it seems more appropriate than ever before.

Yesterday, I watched the film version of the musical Hamilton. My daughter and I saw the traveling production last year in Tulsa. I was overwhelmed by its brilliance. Not only in the music creativity but also the messages it so powerfully portrayed.

It tells the story of Alexander Hamilton, one of America’s founding fathers. A life filled with tragedy I cannot begin to imagine. A past he worked to overcome. A desire to leave behind a world better than the one in which he lived.

The film version was no less powerful. I was barely able to contain my emotions through the entire production. And just as with the live show, my thoughts quickly turned to another musical, Les Miserables.

Though many similarities may be drawn between Hamilton and Les Miserables, one speaks above the rest-forgiveness. These moments in each story provide a beautiful reminder of how great the need for each of us.

There is much more to be discovered in this story-in both of these stories. But on this July 4, 2020, forgiveness seems to be the place to start. For both receiving it and giving it bring freedom.

If you have not yet seen Hamilton, it would be a perfect way to celebrate!

It's Quiet Uptown

Written by
Lin-Manuel Miranda

Alexander by Eliza’s side
She takes his hand
It’s quiet uptown
Forgiveness.
Can you imagine?

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Matthew 6:12

Making Lists

On By Piano girl5 Comments

There are many reasons for making lists. Dreams, goals, to-dos, groceries…that last one is the only list I write consistently. For me, going to the store without one is a mistake. The trip turns into one long, rambling adventure with little to show.

But what about life lists? The ones that show accomplishment when I scratch off an item. I rarely make those lists. When it comes to making lists, my brain seems to work in reverse. What do I mean by that? Here is an example.

Right now, most days are spent at home. I meander through the hours, often with no set plan-only vague ideas of what I might do or what needs to be done. At the end of the day, there’s a little pang of guilt. A question-what did you do all day? In my head, I answer by making a list.

  1. I managed to clean the kitchen.
  2. I sorted the laundry.
  3. I did one load of laundry.
  4. I washed my hair.
  5. I spent time writing.
  6. I took a nap.

You get the picture. In society’s eyes, this might not be considered a productive day. For me, it leads to a list of questions.  

  1. Did I actually dry and put away the laundry? 
  2. Unload the dishwasher?
  3. Talking to a friend count?
  4. Playing piano for fifteen minutes? 
  5. What about sitting outside and watching the birds? 
  6. And really-a nap?

My conversation with myself will not likely change what I do with tomorrow. But it might change where I place value. Or I might just add those other, less finite activities, to my after-the-fact list. 

Those are the things I cling to right now. Those things keep me steady and ease feelings of anxiety. Those things remind me there is beauty in the middle of the storm.

I suppose an argument could be made for making a list ahead of time. But the truth is, that’s just not me. Maybe I should quit making lists altogether. Except for those grocery ones, of course. 😉

Two Poem Tuesday

On By Piano girl2 Comments

Passing Storm

Once again
A storm is raging
Emotions swirling
Like a tornado
In my head
The beginning
Indistinguishable
From the ending
Questions flood
My thoughts-
Why this?
Why now?
Why me?
But I must push
Past the questions
And just be-
Waiting-holding on
Until a tiny
Break appears
In the clouds
A split second
Ray of sunshine
Piercing the dark
Clearing my thoughts
Lighting my path
Just enough to
Observe the dust
Beginning to settle
Assurance the storm is passing

Lost and Found

Where are you?
I sense you are close
But my eyes can’t see
 
I reach out my hands
Fumbling in the dark
Wishing the clouds away
 
Where are you?
I ask out loud this time
A little further-just listen
 
My feet move slowly
Toward the sound of your voice
It grows louder with each step
 
Suddenly, my hands touch yours
No longer lost, I stand with you
Under the light of the stars

Biggest Smile

On By Piano girl1 Comment

The last few times I’ve handed out summer meals, (see Ripple Effect) it has been at my school. And even though the cars go through fairly quickly, I always look for familiar faces. There have been a few smiles and waves from students, but yesterday’s smile was extra special.

The dad rolled down his truck window, I asked for the number of children and went to collect the bags. As I walked back to the truck, I saw a sweet face, sitting in the passenger’s seat. I yelled, “Hi!” As if greeting a long-lost friend.

The dad and boy looked surprised, maybe even a little confused. But then I stepped back and took off my face mask. I said, “I just love your son! I’m Grandma, Abuelita, his music teacher.” (see A New Nickname) My student smiled the biggest smile.

His dad proceeded to brag on him. Telling me how much he had been studying, improving his English during this time away from school. And how he would be so much better prepared for school this next year. I said how glad I was to see him, then they drove away.

The whole experience lasted only a few short minutes, but it made my day. Actually, it made my week. And the truth is, I was the one left smiling the biggest smile. ❤ 🙂

A Weeping World

On By Piano girlLeave a comment

A child
A spouse
A sibling
A parent
Helplessly watched
A man lying
On the ground
A knee pressed down
Their parent
Their spouse
Their sibling
Their child
Pleading for breath
Calling out for Mama
His cries for mercy
Ignored-then silenced
A family left
Grieving as their
Loved one’s name
Is added to a list-
Individuals deprived
Of liberty and life
Because of the
Color of their skin-
A weeping world
Refuses to look away
A weeping world
Refuses to be silenced

Liebster Award

On By Piano girl4 Comments

I would like to thank Amittras from https://vastnesswithin.wordpress.com/ for nominating my blog for the Liebster Award! 🙂 He describes himself as “A thinker, wandering through life, and wondering about its intricate turns.” I look forward to reading more about his wanderings.

Rules for the Nomination

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  2. Answer the 11 questions given to you.
  3. Share 11 facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate 5-11 other bloggers.
  5. Ask your nominees 11 questions of your choice.
  6. Notify your nominees once you have uploaded your post.

Questions I was asked:

  1. What is writing/blogging to you? For me, writing is a way to express my feelings. I often describe it as therapy. It helps me deal with sometimes difficult emotions through a creative process.
  2. Define fun for you! A family get together/trip. Coffee with a friend.
  3. What is one unusual thing about you? I had a complete career change at the age of 40 from music to special education.
  4. What is the one thing that you absolutely do not like about the world? The hate and racism that still pervades much of society. 
  5. Which song do you currently have on repeat?  “Like Everyone She Knows” by James Taylor. Really-anything by James Taylor. 🙂
  6. Which is the greatest movie of all time in your opinion? That is a tough one. I’ve always loved “It’s a Wonderful Life.” The phrase “no man is a failure who has friends” always sticks with me. “Steel Magnolias” if I need a good cry. I also found “Lion” a very moving story. “Interstellar” and “Arrival” are more recent favorites.
  7. What is your personality type? You can check out your personality type at 16personalities. Mediator INFP-T
  8. How do you deal with stress? I love playing the piano. It’s the one thing that helps my brain feel calm.
  9. What keeps you motivated? The idea of growing as a person and being able to encourage/help someone else along the way.
  10. If you could change your first name, what would you call yourself? I have no idea. I’ve always loved my name.
  11. What is missing in your life? This is a hard one to answer. Anxiety sometimes causes me to struggle with contentment. Particularly in my professional life. 
  12. Are there any common traits between me and you? We both enjoy poetry and music. We both have poems published in “The Poets Symphony.” Book Release
  13. If you had the ability to talk to animals, which species would be your best friend? I think it would be the giraffe. I’ve always been fascinated with their long necks and beautiful design. They would have lots of advice on how to reach the sky.

About me

  1. I’ve been playing the piano since I was a little girl.
  2. I love being the mom of three young adults and one daughter-n-law!
  3. My husband and I recently celebrated our twenty-seventh wedding anniversary!
  4. Colorado is one of my favorite places to visit.
  5. Coffee, coffee, and more coffee!
  6. I bake the best chocolate chip cookies.
  7. But I don’t really enjoy cooking.
  8. “Les Miserables” is my favorite novel and musical.
  9. I hope to someday publish a children’s picture book.
  10. I have a miniature dachshund named Poppy.  She’s fifteen.
  11. James Taylor is my absolute, all-time favorite singer.

I nominate the following blogs:

  1. bereavedandsingledad
  2. https://thegriefreality.blog/
  3. https://mitchteemley.com/
  4. https://kimberleymckinney.com/
  5. https://fracturedfaithblog.com/

My questions:

  1. What/who influenced you to start a blog?
  2. Do you have a favorite song/singer/group?
  3. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
  4. Do you play a musical instrument?
  5. What book have you read more than once?
  6. Are you a coffee drinker? 
  7. What do you most enjoy about the writing process?
  8. Do you consider yourself a good listener?
  9. What hopes do you have for the future?
  10. What are your biggest concerns for the future?
  11. What else would you like people to know about you? 

Hearts Breaking

On By Piano girl4 Comments

Sometimes
Silence
Is not an
Option
Yet, this day
Words
Fall
Flat
And though
Emotions
Run
High
Attempts at
Expression
Feel
Numb
On this day
Notes
Speak
Loudly
Only as
Music
Plays
Softly
In this moment
It is my
Obligation
To hear
The cries
Of tired
Hearts
Breaking

First Loss
Album for the Young
Robert Schumann