I often get frustrated
with my own. The way
they become jumbled,
like a bowl of alphabet soup.
Isolated letters are visible
But I feel lost as to
how they fit together.
Other times, my thoughts
become frantic, building
one upon another.
A growing snowball of worries
rapidly rolling down a hill-
Ignoring my calls to stop.
But, is there such a thing as better thoughts?
I suppose not. After all, my thoughts
belong only to me.
And now and then,
in the middle of the chaos,
I take a deep breath and
clearly hear one thought
above the rest-You are enough
Tag: honesty
Tell Someone
A tightening in the
center of my chest
A knot in my gut
Breathe
A few moments of relief
And then with no warning
A tightening in the
center of my chest
A knot in my gut-
Add in a little race
between my pulse
and my thoughts-
Breathe deeper
Take a drink of water
Tell someone how I’m feeling
The cycle may continue
a little longer
but I’m no longer
circling it alone
I often speak of writing as a type of therapy. I’m able to get feelings on paper without speaking the words.
I have not written about anxiety and depression in a while. But today was tough. Anxiety was knocking down the door.
If you happen to also be there, you are not alone.
Much love,
Kelley
Two Different Things
Facing my fears-
Does that mean the same
As overcoming them?
I don’t think so
It doesn’t feel that way
In the moment
Perhaps they’re two
Different things-
Understanding fear’s roots
Proves helpful
And yet, the feelings
Do not simply vanish
Anxious, irrational fears
Of once again being
Out of control
Suddenly flood
Every part of my body-
Time to stop
Take a breath
Sit down
Look directly ahead
Or, if necessary
Close my eyes
Allow tears to fall
And that is ok-
It is helpful to have
Someone next to me
Someone I trust
Who will say
You are safe
It’s ok to close your eyes
You can open your eyes now
And when I step out
Of my comfort zone
Even just a little says
I’m so proud of you!
Labels and Lists
The categories are endless
And then there are
The sub-categories
We’ll skip those for now-
Strange the ways
We group ourselves
Based on things like
Where we grew up
Our age
Our interests
Our successes
And our failures
Remaining careful
Not to give away
Any unexplainable joy
Terrible moments of grief
Or frightening memories
Thought of only when
It’s time to sleep-
What if I looked past
All of the lists
Ignored the labels
What would I see?
Another set of eyes
Perhaps-
Carrying all of life
Happy, sad, all of it
And another heart
Behind those eyes
Afraid to trust
Waiting to see if my hand
Will follow my smile
A poem from a recent circle. ❤️
Tears
Perhaps if I
Thought of them
As belonging
To a waterfall
Freely rushing
Over the edge
Of a rock face
Skillfully smoothed
From the continuous
Flow of unexpected
Strength and sorrow
Knowing they will
Slow down
Once reaching
A quiet stream below-
Not losing purpose
But discovering
New resolve-
Perhaps if
I thought of them
As belonging
To a waterfall
I would let them fall
Free of fear
No concern for
Who might be
Standing at the lookout
Witnessing my life
In motion through
Each drop of rain
From the storms
Each spot of color
From the rainbows
Talking about anxiety and depression is not easy. When emotions feel out of balance, it is tempting to hide them. But putting on a happy face, though sometimes necessary, is not a permanent solution. Eventually, they will find a way out, often leading to embarrassment and exhaustion.
Well, at least that was my experience earlier this week. 😉
Thankful for friends and family who understand and keep me grounded. ❤️
Today’s Answers
What is wrong with me? It took a couple of hours to solve the mystery. Though solving did not mean feelings subsided. The emotional range of my morning hit hard and fast.
Why am I surprised? Sunday is our son’s first Father’s Day! It is also the first Father’s Day without Dad. So much joy and sadness co-exist. But I know I’m not alone.
How are you today? My friend Darryl stopped by today. His home is on the streets. He appeared to be having a particularly rough day. Yet, he made a point to ask how I was doing.
Should I answer honestly? His dad also recently died. He didn’t know for several weeks. So many regrets. Told him I was struggling and mentioned that Sunday was Father’s Day.
Sunday is Father’s Day? A first for us both. Reminded him that we have to keep going. It is ok to be sad, but we can’t stay there.
What is wrong with me? I miss my dad. I miss my father-in-law. But I also celebrate my son. And I celebrate my husband-all great dads!
What are the answers for today? There is strength in honesty. Sorrow shared is easier to carry. And joy shared multiplies. ❤️
Which Came First?
Heaviness weighs
Body and soul
But my brain?
The exact opposite-
I seem to be
In a sort of
Chicken and egg
Scenario
Wondering
Which came first?
Sleeplessness
Sadness
Grief, tears
Spiraling
Anxious
Thoughts-
I suppose
It doesn’t matter
Which came first
We are all in this
Together-
My eyes
My body
My brain
My heart
And thankfully, you
Right beside me
Reminding me
To breathe
As my tears fall
On your shoulder
In the Dirt
Hard to believe
I ever spent time
Digging
In the dirt
But I remember…
So much fun
Imaginations
Running wild
In the dirt
Seems silly now
The things once
Thought possible
In a little girl’s plans…
Sometimes the dirt
Was not forgiving
Washing it away
Required extra
Scrubbing-But, oh
The sweet smell
Of playing
In the dirt
Right before
The rain
Perhaps, it is time
To get my hands dirty
Do a little more
Digging
Wake that old
Imagination
From its dirt-free
Slumber and not
Worry so much
About looking clean
I continue to be amazed and grateful for the connections created through poetry circles facilitated by Ali Grimshaw. ❤️ https://flashlightbatteries.blog/
Outside In
Felt like a stranger
Looking in
A window
Confused by
The actions
Witnessed
Tones detected
Perceiving
A cycle
Of frustration
Embarrassment
Tears and
Exhaustion
Asking questions
Inside my head
What is wrong?
Why so upset?
Felt like a stranger
Looking in
A window
But I was not
A stranger
And I was not
Looking in
A window
It was a mirror
My reflection
In the panes-
A realization
That left me
Wondering
Whether to take
A step back
Or lean in closer
Admitting feelings of anxiety and depression is not always easy. And even harder to explain. This poem is an attempt to describe that feeling of being outside myself. Knowing my actions and feelings don’t make sense, but having difficulty controlling them.
I share because someone reading may need to know they are not alone. And simply put, it helps me accept my reflection with a bit more grace and understanding. ❤️
Take a Step
You haven’t been
Very happy
Lately
Humph!
I thought
Incensed
But I know it’s true
And those words?
Spoken in love
So, why is it
Still so hard
To admit?
As if speaking
The words
Out loud
Gives them power
When actually
The opposite is true
You’re right
I’m depressed
Not simply
End-of-school
Exhausted
Though also true
Today’s remedies?
Sunshine
Fresh air
Newly planted
Flowers
Only enough
Planning to
Ease some stress
For the coming week
Small steps
Moving me
Forward
Gentle reminding
Only I can take
Those steps
But I don’t
Need to
Take them
Alone…and
Neither do you
Piano Girl 