Tag: death

Simply Sunday

On By Piano girl6 Comments

Yesterday, I
Suddenly remembered
How much I miss you-
At a wedding
Of all places-
Not that I had
Forgotten
It’s just that
Life keeps going
And the missing
Gets all twisted
Within the living-
Yesterday, I
Suddenly remembered
How much I miss you
But the catch in my throat
Turned into a smile
An unexpected surprise

My husband and I attended a wedding yesterday. The groom is the son of our friends. The father-of-the-groom speech caught me by surprise. When he talked about cultivating a friendship with his new daughter-in-law, I immediately thought of my father-in-law. I smiled at the thought of how we teased each other. And how we both had a sweet tooth.

Then I thought about all the others that have passed. My dad, grandparents, friends. But in this moment, it was not sadness I felt. It was gratitude. ❤️

Simply Sunday

On By Piano girl2 Comments

I continue to discover the ways of grief. Sometimes expected, often not. I continue to be grateful for the writing circle space created by Ali Grimshaw. https://flashlightbatteries.blog/ What a gift to get feelings down on paper and share them with loving souls.

The following poem came out of our recent circle. Maybe you can relate. ❤️

Ready to Listen

It seemed like
A good idea
Frantically
Searching
Through old
Voicemails
I thought
I was ready
To listen-
The sound
Of your voice
Even from a
Recording
Would surely
Bring peace
Instead, it was
An instant reminder
Of how much I miss you-
You have not been gone very long-
Grief made her
Presence known
In the song of
Falling tears
And together
We quietly sang
A sad, yet
Grateful
Melody

Time Warp

On By Piano girlLeave a comment

Such an odd way
To keep track
Births and deaths
Life and love
Captured in
The minuscule of
Days, months, years…
Blocks on a chart
Giving the appearance
Of logic and
Organization
Life is anything but–
In certain instances
One experience
Can cause a
Shocking whiplash
Taking me from
The Present
To the Past
Then the Future
A flash of light
Revealing what
Time has passed
And where I may be
Once that same
Amount of time
Passes by again-
Not measured
By Perfect
Little squares
In even rows
But by a heart
Carrying each beat
Every breath,
Each smile,
And every tear
That fills this living

Shared Tears

On By Piano girl13 Comments 
Even the warm 
Sunshine 
Was unable 
To keep  
The shadow  
Of dread away-  
Like a dark cloud 
Approaching 
Warning of storms 
Up ahead 
While providing 
No instructions 
For preparation 
Or survival 
Only questions- 
What is about to happen? 
How will I respond? 
A revelation lifts 
The uneasiness 
But leaves behind
A sadness 
The weight of it
Heavy
Pulling strings 
Between souls 
Across minor chords 
Tension eased only 
Through shared tears 

My dad’s only living brother, Sam, is not expected to live much longer. I have not seen him in years. And yet, this news brought sadness. 

Dad has only been gone a few months. I know the heartache Sam’s loss will bring to others in my family.
 
Family ties are often stretched and sometimes broken. I’m so thankful Dad and Sam were able to reconnect in recent years. https://pianogirlthoughts.com/2021/04/01/brothers/



Sky Full of Sorrow

On By Piano girl7 Comments

I need a tree
For an umbrella
Its branches
The spokes
Its leaves
The fabric
A little rain
To touch
My head
My arms
Not enough
To drench
Just enough
To mix with
My tears
Shield my heart
From the drops
Too heavy to bear
Falling like sorrow
From the sky
For the lights
Of the innocent
Once again
Violently
Senselessly
Extinguished

Which Came First?

On By Piano girl6 Comments 
Heaviness weighs
Body and soul
But my brain?
The exact opposite-
I seem to be
In a sort of
Chicken and egg
Scenario
Wondering
Which came first?
Sleeplessness
Sadness
Grief, tears
Spiraling 
Anxious
Thoughts-
I suppose 
It doesn’t matter
Which came first
We are all in this
Together-
My eyes
My body
My brain 
My heart
And thankfully, you
Right beside me
Reminding me
To breathe
As my tears fall
On your shoulder

Simply Sunday

On By Piano girl5 Comments

On the Horizon

Joy filling
The vastness
Of desert skies
Sadness
Sinking
To the depths
Of ocean floors
Strength
Standing
Gracefully
On the horizon
As the sun
Continues
To rise and set

This Sunday, I am thinking about my sweet mom. She is strong and determined to keep going. And I am so very proud of her. ❤

What Do I Expect?

On By Piano girl8 Comments

When talking
To my mom
On the phone-
To hear my dad
In the background
How’s my little girl?

When visiting
The house
Where I grew up-
To see him walking
Down the hall or
Standing in the kitchen

When far away
In my own home
Living my daily life-
To picture them
In my mind’s eye
By each other’s side

Each represents a truth
I have witnessed
Year after year
But sometimes
Life requires a change
Of expectations

Death is no exception.

Tho its shifts remain
Partially hidden
Until their time
Otherwise, we
Might not love
Quite so fiercely

Simply Sunday

On By Piano girl4 Comments 
Holding Hope

Waiting for
Buds to appear
And begin 
Repainting 
The landscape 
With the newness 
Felt in all
Shades of green
Taking care not
To overlook
Today's grays
Or forget 
The once bright 
Colors
Now faded
Their purpose
Fulfilled in
The graceful
Holding of hope
For tomorrow’s
Blooming


Transformations

On By Piano girl13 Comments

I’ve never given deep thought to the life cycle of a butterfly. Besides children’s books and craft projects, that is. A tiny egg, a growing caterpillar, and a beautiful butterfly. It sounds simple, especially when mapped out with cotton balls, popsicle sticks, and coffee filters.

But none of those descriptions mention the chrysalis or what happens inside. The transformation is anything but simple. It is hard and sometimes painful. Near-perfect conditions are required for the butterfly to be released.

This week, saying goodbye to my dad, I was reminded of the shell left behind. It held so much life. Protected the spirit and soul of its occupant. And when the time came, allowed its release.

Death is part of life. I know that. And my dad lived his to the fullest, good times and bad. Health conditions over the past few years caused him to slow down. Challenging for someone who spent their life building things.

Instead of swinging a hammer, he would cook dinner for kids at church. Instead of traveling on mission trips, he would encourage friends thru phone calls. He did not complain. And most of all, he enjoyed his life with my mom. Picnics by the lake, coffee, cookies in the evenings, doctor appointments…life.

His sweet soul is no longer with us. It has been released. My faith tells me he is with God. And though that brings comfort, I selfishly wish he was still with us. The missing is hard. I suppose it is a part of my transformation…