Tag: anxiety

Reset Button

On By Piano girlLeave a comment

Is your phone not working correctly? Have you tried turning it off and then back on? Have problems with your computer? Same answer. At least, that is the answer if you ask my husband. And quite often, it takes care of the problem.

I’m starting to realize my brain works similarly. The only problem? My resets are not always intentional. It’s more of a hindsight experience.

Let me explain. My brain has been on overload for the past couple of weeks. Too many thoughts, dates, responsibilities, concerns, worries, etc. You get the picture. Partly because it is the end of the school year. The other part, well, that is for another day.

Gart and I drove to Arkansas last weekend to visit my parents. We took a personal day on Monday. On our drive home, I received a phone call asking me to play for a choir rehearsal Wednesday evening.

Yes! Sounds great! I’ll do it!

Of course, my answer came on a day I was not working. One day I was not thinking about all those upcoming events. Not thinking about how tired I would be after teaching all day Wednesday…

Wednesday arrived. I needed a nap between work and the rehearsal.

The music that I had little time to practice before rehearsal was by Mozart. Now, I have some pretty mean sight-reading skills. Legendary in some places. 😉 But an hour and a half of sight-reading Mozart? Well, there was no room for any other thoughts in my brain.

After rehearsal, I somehow drove myself home, made a cup of tea, and crawled into bed. When I woke up the next day, my body was tired. My brain, however, was calm.

Laughing to myself, I realized playing all that music was like hitting a reset button. Perhaps I should add sight-reading to my weekly routine. Do you think it would ensure a correctly working brain? Worth a try!

Renewal

On By Piano girl5 Comments

The ground swells
From soaking in
The tears
Of so many
While the sky lowers
From the weight
Of sighs rising
In desperation
Space in between
Shrinks from
Surrounding
Pressure
Creating
A fear of
Imminent
Suffocation
What happens if the two meet?
The groundswell
And the lowering sky
I don’t think they can.
Other elements
Are at work-
Kind words
Caring smiles
Acts of courage
Delivering
Deep breaths
Of fresh air
A rebirth of hope

Many things feel heavy this week. Today, I was encouraged by the power of kindness. I also noticed our azaleas are about to bloom. Both helped lift a bit of the weight. 💛

Inner Voice

On By Piano girl6 Comments

My brain hurts
Well, actually
I think it’s numb
Tired body
Tired heart
Words are
Bouncing
Around
In my head
Aim is off
Can’t seem
To find
Their way out
Maybe for the best
Probably wouldn’t
Sound the same
If I said them
Out loud
Perhaps writing
Them down
Would help…

Today, I…
Need to rest
Don’t want to listen
Don’t feel like engaging

Whew! Think I feel better!

After writing this poem, I had a revelation. If I feel this way some days, so do my students. And while I can put my feelings into words, that is not always easy for children.

Ok, so maybe this wasn’t a revelation, but it was a reminder. I need to be aware of facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice-mine and my students. Tempering my actions and reactions by keeping the clues close at heart. ❤️

Somewhere Between

On By Piano girl2 Comments

The morning sky
Matched my mood
Midnight blue?
Hard to tell
Before sunrise

Glance to the right
A tiny streak of light
Somewhere between
Pale pink and white
Off in the distance

Glance to the left
Both me and the sky
Somewhere between
Asleep and awake
Moving forward

Traces of hope
One seeking
One displaying
As darkness
Transformed
To daylight

Conversation in the Sun

On By Piano girl12 Comments

One lonely
Bloom
Fighting
To stand up
Underneath
The weight
Of recent winds
And rain
A tiny speck
In the vastness
Of this world
Has anyone noticed?
Bent so low
Only able to
See my shadow
On the ground
As the sun
Shines above

Hey! Over here!
Bend your ear
My way
It seems you have
Grown weak under
The pressures of
Life in this garden
Don’t lose hope
Rest, recharge
Together
Our roots will
Grow stronger
And you will
Once again
Stand up tall
Your face
Soaking up
The sun’s rays

What Was I?

On By Piano girl9 Comments

A calm voice
Soothes the heart
Like a quiet breeze
Soothes the rose

A harsh voice
Stirs up conflict
Like a strong wind
Stirs up dust

What was I today?

The boisterous wind
Leaving friends
And strangers alike
With dirt in their eyes?

The gentle breeze
Leaving nothing behind
But the faint memory
Of a well-timed smile?

What will I be tomorrow?

The Oklahoma winds are strong this week. A chance of storms in our forecast. The last two afternoons, outside car duty, have left me with dirt in my eyes. That unpleasantness caused me to think of how I react in certain situations. I have a choice to be calm or stormy. Tomorrow, may I lean more toward the first.

Tug of War

On By Piano girl4 Comments

Parading around
In costumes
Recognizable
Masks
Distracting me
From the struggle
Taking root
In my soul
Feelings
Can be sneaky
That way
Tricksters thriving
On energy
Expended in a
Tug of War
That leaves
Me trying
To pull the rope
From both ends
There will never
Be a winner
Only the need
To let go
Of the rope
Even if
It means
Falling
In the mud

I often talk about poetry being therapeutic. This poem is a perfect example. It did not provide answers to the questions on my mind. However, writing the words down provided some tension relief. It also reminded me I don’t have to have all the answers right at this moment. Maybe you can relate. ☺️

Simply Sunday

On By Piano girlLeave a comment

Hemmed In

When my mind
Grows frantic
Unable to
Separate
One thought
From another
Enduring
A constant
Bombardment
Of words
Images
Sounds
An unexpected
Gentle breeze
Quiet song
Safe hug
Causes me
To be still
And pray
Hem me in
Simple words
Bringing rest
To the mind
And soul
The whole
Of me held
Together
Bordered
By a love
Unmistakable
And secure

“You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.”

Psalm 139:5

Keep Writing

On By Piano girl4 Comments

Ideas scattered
No inspiration
Whether to seek
Or to settle
Accepting
The need to let
My mind rest
Not sure
I know how…
Pick up the pen
Perhaps
Motor
Movement
Will trigger
Creativity
Perhaps not-
Either way
Watching
Words appear
Somehow
Slows
Racing heart
Cools
Heated face
Relaxes
Frantic brain-
Powerful process
Placing thoughts
On a page

Summer break is coming to an end. I am preparing for school to start. We continue to deal with living in a pandemic. Not surprisingly, my thoughts are scattered. And that is ok. There is strength in honesty. ❤️

Already?

On By Piano girl17 Comments

When the pink letters came in the mail last week, I thought this can’t be right. There is no way it is already time for my mammogram. It was only in March that I had surgery. An incisional biopsy. And before that, an MRI, ultrasounds, more mammograms, etc.  

But here was my pink letter, sent twice. So, I called to schedule. And today was the day.

Even though my previous test results were all benign, I found myself feeling panicky this morning. The thought of a mammogram, especially after surgery, made me cringe. But I got up, got dressed, and headed that way.  

Well, I stopped at Starbucks first for a London Fog latte. Surely that would help.

Checked in, got my little bracelet, and was called back in a few minutes.  Undress from the waist up, put on your cape, opens in the front. Always the same. I chuckled when I saw the flowery material. After putting it on, I proceeded to take a selfie. For some unknown reason, I felt the need to document.

Wouldn’t you love to be this fashion forward? 😉

Still feeling a little anxious, I took a deep breath and tried to relax. And then, at the perfect moment, my mom sent a text.  Praying for you. Love and hugs. Of course, I responded by sending her my selfie.  

The technician was friendly. She asked me my birthdate, routine. After a few seconds of thinking, She laughed and said, I am 25 days older than you. We laughed that I was making her do the math. She quickly put me at ease.  

Was it still uncomfortable? Yes. But was it necessary? Also, yes. 

Early detection is crucial. And the only way for that to happen is consistent screening. Don’t wait! Besides, you might just get to wear a lovely flowery cape. 🌸💗