The dense morning haze
Weighed heavy on my
Foggy morning brain
Forcing sad thoughts
To the surface-
No way around
Muddling through
The middle would
Have to do
The haze gave way
To mid-morning layers
Of grays and whites
Overlapping, continually
Trading places until
Swaths of baby blue
Smiled through the gaps–
And with no hesitation
I smiled back
Sometimes we all need a reminder of our many reasons for smiling. Time with family is one of my favorite reasons. 💗
Some days it seems
The tap of a feather
Can knock me to the ground
Yet, on those very days
A kind word
Or simple gesture
Can lift me to my feet
Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.
Proverbs 12:25
Perhaps if I
Thought of them
As belonging
To a waterfall
Freely rushing
Over the edge
Of a rock face
Skillfully smoothed
From the continuous
Flow of unexpected
Strength and sorrow
Knowing they will
Slow down
Once reaching
A quiet stream below-
Not losing purpose
But discovering
New resolve-
Perhaps if
I thought of them
As belonging
To a waterfall
I would let them fall
Free of fear
No concern for
Who might be
Standing at the lookout
Witnessing my life
In motion through
Each drop of rain
From the storms
Each spot of color
From the rainbows
Talking about anxiety and depression is not easy. When emotions feel out of balance, it is tempting to hide them. But putting on a happy face, though sometimes necessary, is not a permanent solution. Eventually, they will find a way out, often leading to embarrassment and exhaustion.
Well, at least that was my experience earlier this week. 😉
Thankful for friends and family who understand and keep me grounded. ❤️
Started unpacking today
After twenty-plus years
Guess it’s about time-
Not that this suitcase
Was hidden
No, it has floated
In my periphery
Until a flashback
Would open the latch
Spilling its contents
In a jumbled mess
All over my heart-
A quick nod
Possible sharing
Then once again
Packed away-
Not this time
This time I am
Choosing to
Open the latch
Hold each piece close-
Fear
Anger
Gratitude
Release-
Acknowledging
Their impact
Before gently folding
Placing them in my
Chest of Memories
Not to be forgotten
But remembered
With clarity
Within the journey
Day before vacation
Awakened from a
No-sense-dream
A phone ringing
Several missed calls
And text messages
Confused does
Not justly
Describe my mood
I was frantic
A panicked spiral
Attempting to take hold-
Not just a mess
But a hot mess
According to
My husband
Shhh…
He was right
I need you
To stand still
And take a
Deep breath
Breathing out
I felt the tears
Beginning to form
This is me
But only
A part of me
Today, I sit
In the airport
Traveling within this
Thirty-year love
And we are ok
Better than ok
Heaviness weighs
Body and soul
But my brain?
The exact opposite-
I seem to be
In a sort of
Chicken and egg
Scenario
Wondering
Which came first?
Sleeplessness
Sadness
Grief, tears
Spiraling
Anxious
Thoughts-
I suppose
It doesn’t matter
Which came first
We are all in this
Together-
My eyes
My body
My brain
My heart
And thankfully, you
Right beside me
Reminding me
To breathe
As my tears fall
On your shoulder
Where am I?
Sitting here
With my feet
Firmly planted
On the floor
Well, that is
The obvious answer
But what about
Those answers
That won’t come
So easily
Answers that lead
Down a path
Holding only
More questions-
How is it a single detour
On today’s path
Can feel like a failure
Sucking the air from
All the colorful balloons
Filled throughout the day
Rising to the top
Leaving behind
Contented smiles-
If only I could
Erase the sound
Of the needle
Popping the one balloon
Not released with joy-
Maybe tomorrow…
This morning
I noticed sunlight
Finding its way
Thru layers
Of clouds-
Some clouds
Seemed to bask
In the light
Almost disappearing
While others remained
Dark and gloomy
Allowing only
A few rays
To lightly lay
Across their gray-
Oh, to be the cloud
Completely open
To the sun’s warmth
Boring a hole
Right thru its center
Confident it is now
Ready to face
Whatever storm
May lie ahead
I continue to be encouraged by and grateful for the writing circle. ❤️ If you are interested, check out https://flashlightbatteries.blog/
Days when
Words try to
Stay hidden
In the deep
Crevices
Of my mind
No one else
May enter
Unless invited
I attempt to
Pry them out
Giving voice
To the feelings
Held behind
The words
While knowing
That sharing
The positives
Will prove easier
Than sharing
The negatives
Days when
Words try to
Stay hidden
I am learning
And re-learning
To write them down
Inviting light
To gently restore
The fractures
While easing my fears
We drove under a canopy of trees. So thick in stretches, we wouldn’t have been able to see the sun even if it had been shining. Winding switchbacks took us to the top of Mt. Mansfield. We marveled at the beautiful views.
Some of us closed our eyes and held on tight at certain turns. Well…one of us did, anyway. But that was not the thing that caused me to gasp. Instantly feeling like a little kid. Any guesses?
Giant rocks!
Boulders with great veins of quartz running through. Some were standing solitary. Others were stacked, forming small caves. Even others with trees growing against their faces. Those might have been my favorite.
Standing in the shadows of these giants, the kid in me wanted to fill my pockets with pebbles. No, I did not. Managed to rustle up some restraint.
Instead, I stood in awe of these majestic formations. Felt the embrace of their cool breeze. Accepted their invitation to climb, stand, and sit. And finally, to walk away feeling confident, steady, and grateful.
I have a storage closet inside my music classroom. Shelves lining both walls hold musical instruments. There are stacks of chairs in one corner and drums in the other.
At various times in the year, certain sets come out.
There is a narrow walkway between the shelving.
More than once this school year, I’ve glanced in there with the following thought: would I be able to fit an entire class of students in here? I’m not sure. If I quickly moved some things out. But would there be enough time?
That is where I stop my spiraling thoughts. Any further, and they’d be unbearable.
Every day, I stand on the sidewalk outside my school. Along with colleagues and student volunteers, make sure kids get safely to their cars.
Several times during the year, I almost left my phone inside the building. But then one thought would invade-what if something happens? An emergency? And quickly, I’d put my phone in my back pocket.
I’m not the only one carrying the weight of such thoughts. But we rarely talk about them. Until another tragedy occurs and we realize it could have been our school, our students, or our friends.
I see the sweet faces of the Uvalde, TX victims in photos shared by loved ones. I see the desperation in the sobs of those left to mourn and question.
My heart breaks.
But my sadness quickly turns to anger as I listen to sound bites. As I hear political figures speak of rights instead of solutions, perpetrators instead of victims.
There are solutions. And please don’t tell me there are no laws or policy changes that would affect this epidemic of gun violence in our country. There are. And they are logical. Why do we refuse to take a stand in their favor? Well, that’s a matter of the heart.
Our descendants weep
As the blood
Of the innocent
Soaks the ground
Beneath the feet
Of misplaced allegiance
Piano Girl 