One lonely
Bloom
Fighting
To stand up
Underneath
The weight
Of recent winds
And rain
A tiny speck
In the vastness
Of this world
Has anyone noticed?
Bent so low
Only able to
See my shadow
On the ground
As the sun
Shines above
Hey! Over here!
Bend your ear
My way
It seems you have
Grown weak under
The pressures of
Life in this garden
Don’t lose hope
Rest, recharge
Together
Our roots will
Grow stronger
And you will
Once again
Stand up tall
Your face
Soaking up
The sun’s rays
Took a walk
Down memory lane
At first, it felt
A little strange
Twenty years
Have passed
And I am
Not the same
Where did the time go?
The answer is not
Found in words
None can
Adequately
Express
No, the key to
Understanding
The then
To the now
Is much more
Tangible-
Experienced
Thru the power
Of a lingering hug
Able to stop time
Inviting memories
To flood the soul
And affection
To fill the heart
Not sure how to say what I really want to say. Or maybe, I’m afraid. All I do know; is how I feel each time a friend loses a parent. Sadness and grief are accompanied by anxiousness.
Thoughts immediately turn to my own parents. Questions roll into more questions. The past, the present, how much time…it happened again this week.
A text from my dear friend, Traci.
My dad went to be with Jesus.
His battle was short.
Please pray for my mom and our family.
Her dad, also known as PaPa Chuck, was quite a character. Very tall, ornery, and confident. He was a hard worker. The provider and glue that held his family together. And if you happened to be within his reach, you were loved well.
We were always treated like part of the family by him and his sweet wife, Linda (Nanny.) But one story stands out.
After five years, a new job took us to a new town. Chuck and Linda followed us and the moving truck. Not only did they help unload and set up, but they also left us with a special gift.
Our rental house was rather sad. Not much of a dining area. And anyway, we had sold our dining set in the moving sale. But somehow, they knew that would not do. And before leaving town, they purchased a folding card table and chairs for us.
I was so thankful. Thankful for something I did not even realize how much we needed.
There is something special about a family seated around a table. Eating, talking, laughing, crying. And our blue card table and chairs became the place for some new family traditions. Saturday morning pancakes. Snacks after school. Lunches with new friends.
They were also a symbol of the love that traveled with us those twenty years ago. Love that covers time, distance, and even death.
Gart and I will be married twenty-nine years in May. We have lived in seven houses and one apartment. Furniture in those early days was often passed down from family. Maybe something we could buy cheap from a friend. No matter that it was used. Once we had it, it was ours.
We recently bought a sectional for our living room. Now everyone has a place to sit when the kids visit. That left us with a leather loveseat to sell. There was just no room to keep it.
A couple inquired and set a time to come check it out. After sitting in it and propping up feet, they decided this was the one for them. The first furniture purchase for their new home. We helped them load it, threw in a couple of barstools, and wished them well. ❤️
That was us all those years ago. Such babies.
I know! We did ok.
Saw ourselves
In both of you
Almost like
Seeing ghosts
Young couple
Starting out
First home
Excited, nervous
Buying used furniture
Our furniture
I could not
Stop smiling
Fought the urge
To wrap you up
In a hug-Tell you
What an adventure
This life will be
But we don’t know each other
Best wishes for your new home!
Hope you enjoy the loveseat!
And you drove off
Ready for your journey
Not really ghosts
But a sweet reminder
Of where our story began
And the chapters
We have written so far…
Today feels
Anything
But simple
It feels torn
I feel torn
Sunshine skies
In front of me
Clear and blue
A stark contrast
To the images
Of gray skies
Streets filled with
Ash and rubble
Seen on the news-
My mind knows
And history tells us
Not all people
Are free or safe
From the exploits
Of evil men
Yet, my heart
Is unable
To reconcile-
An image of
A Ukrainian mom
Her only thought
Protecting her family
From surrounding
Destruction and death…
I cannot know
The heaviness
Of her heart
Yet, I must not look away
Watching
Praying
For a glimmer of hope
A family reunited
While never
Forgetting
Images snapped
By cameras-
Images of death
And innocence stolen
For all the world to see-
Do we truly see?
If your tears flowed
From my eyes
Instead of your own
Would I feel your pain?
Would I understand
What brings you joy?
If your heart
Beat strong
Inside my chest
Would you know
My fears? Sense
My excitement?
Physically impossible
We are worlds apart
Yet, if I stare long enough
At your image to gain
A glimpse into your soul
What might occur?
Would my life change?
Would yours?
Sympathy morphing
Into understanding
And understanding
Flying into action
I am not you
You are not me
Yet, if we seek-
Peer deep enough
Perhaps we would
Grasp the mystery
We are not so unlike.
Listening to this song a few weeks back, I was drawn to write. But days have been long. And my brain has been saying rest. Then today, I heard it again. This time, I couldn’t ignore it. As a matter of fact, I sat in my car in the garage until the song was over. Take a listen. ❤️
Way too young
Senseless death
Gun violence
Once again
This time
I can’t ignore
Won’t let my heart
Become numb
This time
I can see
The one left behind
Her heart
Broken into pieces
That may never
Fit back together
No matter
The time
That passes-
Right now
The grief is fresh
Eyes wet with tears
At the mention
Of her loss
Or a gentle hand
On her shoulder
Don’t hide them
Though they fall
Because of loss
They also fall
Because of love
This story is one of many. Too many. Young adults ready to take on this world, taken too soon. Though it is not my story to tell, listening touched my heart. I could not walk away without taking time to acknowledge the grief, the hurting left behind. And also the love and strength showing through the pain. 💔
My email inbox is quick to get overloaded. Because I tend to ignore it. Until the thousands of unread messages are overwhelming.
My daughter gets after me about this habit quite often. But she is also quick to help. And I must admit, it is a relief to see that empty inbox.
Today, its state is somewhere in between control and chaos. Cluttered, but not enough where I might miss an important message.
…like the one that arrived this morning with a swoosh.
I have met so many amazing people through the writing circle process. One of those sweet friends recently asked if I’d like to be on her mailing list. She sends a weekly letter out to a few friends.
Due to the often out-of-control state of my inbox, I almost declined. So thankful that I did not.
Her words are always timely, and today was no exception. Acknowledging the worries of this world while also brightly shining her light. Honest and challenging. Reading her words, I often find myself saying, Me, too! That fact alone places her emails at the top of my must-read column.
So, if you are feeling heavy today, you are not alone. And just as I received encouragement, long distance-may I offer some to you?
Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.
Proverbs 12:25
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24
“All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we’re giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That’s one of the things that connects us as neighbors—in our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver.” -Fred Rogers
Every sound
Amplified
As if a megaphone
Was pointed directly
Into my ear
Each step
Heavier than
The one before
I try to smile
It’s not all bad
But, yesterday was great!
Why does today feel so opposite?
Same place
Same plans
The same me-I think
So, what could it be?
Energy expended
Yesterday
Not recouped
For today
Just two recommendations-
First, listen as
Five and six-year-olds
Sing their favorite songs
Second, go home
And take a nap
A great day of teaching requires a great deal of energy. Those where I wake up rested and ready tend to be the best. I can focus on the students and the music, all of us engaged and having fun.
But oh, those days when I did not sleep well the night before. Or some unexpected stress. Those days can be a struggle. My lack of energy affects my focus. If I am not engaged, neither are my students.
Teaching is both challenging and rewarding work! Some days will not go as planned. But some days are not all days. Children singing, particularly songs from the movie Encanto, and naps help. 😉 ❤️
Every day, I drive past a field
A house and barn on one side
Two horses roaming
Rolling hills behind tree lines
It seems so simple
The roots of joy flowing from this place
On certain days
Days when the resident family of deer is grazing
Often in the early morning, I spot them
Spread-out, enjoying a quiet breakfast
Often in the afternoon, I spot them
Playing on the hills behind the trees
I always want to stop and snap a picture
But there’s never time or space for that-
Other cars and such-
I feel sad on the days when I can’t spot
My little family of deer
Piano Girl 