Miles in front Miles behind Yet, it feels like I'm standing still Stuck in a loop Remembering the past Looking toward the future- Past and future Each holds An importance Of its own One influences the other The other reflects the one Perhaps the secret Lies in the stillness Of a single breath When they are Momentarily the same
I drove from Tulsa to Dallas yesterday. Our nine-month-old granddaughter is in the hospital with pneumonia. I checked the remaining miles on my map at least one hundred times.
Even when I knew I’d traveled a distance, it felt like I would never arrive. Those last ten miles were the slowest.
But I made it. Held my sleeping granddaughter. Sat still, watched and listened to her breathe. Silently breathed a prayer.
Happy to report our sweet girl is getting better. ❤️
Watching you hold her I remember Holding you No thought of How I would feel From this vantage No thought of The excitement born From watching you Know the joy and laughter The lessons and messes - Watching you hold her Worried because she is sick I remember Holding you the same Praying away the struggles All the while knowing They are part of our world But only a part One superseded by the joy Found in the memory Of holding you While watching you hold her
Words are playing Hide-and-go-seek With my thoughts These days- Right as I'm about To capture one It disappears Behind an image Or a memory Before bringing Another word To the forefront But only for a second Continuing this game Of trying to remember All the things I hope To never forget- My brain says There are too many But my heart Has trouble accepting- Perhaps today Is for finding Only a few As I sit quietly Next to you
The house is quiet I’ve felt versions Of this quiet before- A missing laughter From the next room Absent sounds of one Coming and going Or the rattling of a Bucket of Legos- Yes, it is quiet But it is not empty The space holds Memories from All that occurred Along this path Of parenthood Love and laughter Heartache and tears So much hope and joy Perhaps more than These walls are Able to bear But that’s ok My heart is more than willing To share in the holding
I wrote the following poem in a recent poetry circle with Ali Grimshaw. https://flashlightbatteries.blog/ I had planned to share it on Sunday, but a not-so-fun bug made its way through our house and left me zapped. So, Tuesday it is! 😉
Best Baby Life
Your world is growing So quickly, I can barely keep up Sweet sleep became First smiles became Babbles and the beginnings of words- Simply sitting on the floor Watching as you explore Affords a new kind of joy- Goodbyes are difficult They make me sad Afraid I’m placing Too much pressure on you Until I realize you are Living your best baby life Reaching, learning, growing And I am part of your journey Just as you are part of mine
Can one heart Have too many Connections? I’m not sure I don’t think so Can’t think of Any chords I would Choose to cut- Some are stronger Than others Some longer But only a few are Perfectly fastened With each beat of my heart Those are the ones Keeping me alive Or rather, making me Want to be my Best version of Alive- I don’t always See that version In the mirror But I know she’s there Waiting for me To give her some Attention
When we know what our children want from life, we want those things for them. Whether it is finding that first apartment, going to college, getting a job, or finding their life partner.
That last one has its challenges. Finding that one person who gets us. One who loves us for who we are. But when it happens, there’s a profound combination of excitement and calm.
All that being said…
Our daughter, Rachel, got engaged this week! ❤️ Simply seeing the smile on her face (and his) makes me happy. And seeing them together gives me hope for the future.
Evenly spaced rows Of gently waving wheat Wonderfully wound Bales of hay Equally sided cubes Childhood toys Labeled with letters, Numbers and pictures Ready to be Neatly stacked Then knocked over Only to be Stacked again- Little hands reaching Sleepyhead resting On my shoulder Comforting weight Beneath the rise and fall Of sweet slumber- Calm exists within The routine On any given day- Whether passing by Or sitting in the center
I don’t know how To prepare myself I’m not sure It is even possible Some things are like that …most things are like that But this is…different A certain stopover On this fresh journey Known as grief- So much can change In the blink of a year Starting a new job Becoming a Gigi Or, in Mom’s case A Great Grandma So much remains The love of family And missing you
Piano Girl 