One may
Cause me
To cry
Another
To laugh
Maybe both
At the same time
But I cannot
Travel
Back in time or
Remain endlessly
Engrossed
In a single
Snapshot
Even when it
Has the power
To wrap me up
In a cocoon
Turning my heart
Inside out
As it mixes
The broken
With the upheld
Before releasing
We grew up together. Cousins, a curious mix of family and friends. If I’ve ever talked to you about cousins, you know I have twenty-five first cousins on my mom’s side of the family! I love sharing that fact.
This group was enveloping. Some older, some younger, and some the same age. We played hard and fought sometimes. Learned how to hold babies when a new cousin came along. The older ones served as built-in babysitters.
Now, we’re all grown up. We each took our own path. Don’t see each other often, maybe at a funeral or a rare holiday visit. But when one is sick, as is currently the case, or facing challenges, there is a flood of memories and emotions.
In those moments, I picture us as kids again. Running and playing with no thoughts of accidents, cancer, or death. But reality snaps me back with one look in the mirror. The truth is unavoidable. We are no longer kids.
That truth mixes with our history, leaving me grateful that we grew up together. Leaving me wanting to say, I love you.
It is not an
Exaggeration to say
Some moments
It feels like
My heart
Might explode
Several chapters
Lived over time
Love, joy, grief
Converge at once
Holding hands
Across my story
One sweet sentence
From a paragraph
That I never
Want to forget
Though impossible
To clearly express
Lately, emotions seem to well up, catching me by surprise.
A sweet conversation with Mom. A moment of missing Dad. Crying on my husband’s shoulder. Chats with my adult children. Watching my son and daughter-in-law care for my granddaughter.
Both the enormity and the smallness of life collide. And I feel every single moment right in the center of my chest. ❤️
Hi, Dad
I could feel
Myself speaking
But the words
Were inaudible
A slight smile
At my hesitation
A glance toward
The ground
Then on to
The task at hand-
Placing new flowers
On your headstone
Peaceful purples
And deep greens
We miss you
A bright yellow
Butterfly also
Fluttered by
To say hello
Mom and I enjoyed a nice drive and a sunny day. Temps were cooler and there was a nice breeze. As Mom wisely said- I will never not miss him. But life continues and we must keep living.
Bright eyes
Focused
Little hands
Reaching
Tiny fingers
Learning to grasp
Such hard work
Heavy eyes
Fussy cries
Fighting sleep
Afraid of missing
A single minute
Held close
Rest comes
Giving in to
Sweet dreams-
I wonder
If she knows
She’s holding
My heart
As she sleeps
What a joy to have our family all together. We laughed, cried, and ate lots of good food. And, of course, our little granddaughter was the center of attention. I was thankful for the opportunity to hold her and get her to sleep. There is nothing like the sweet weight of a sleeping baby. Well, listening to her coo is pretty sweet, too.
Sitting in a rocker in front of Cracker Barrell in Alma, AR, I almost wrote 1993 instead of 2023 at the top of my journal page. This spot between Tulsa, OK, and Little Rock, AR, has been our family meeting place for years. I was waiting for my brother to drop off my mom this time.
Many a summer or spring break adventure started there. Sometimes, it was our kids going to spend a week with grandparents. Other times, it was me having some extended family time. And when you have as many cousins as me, extra time is needed.
So, what took me back to 1993? It was an eventful year for us! We were married in May, moved in July, and had a baby the following December. And that’s when it all started. Traveling the highway between Arkansas and Oklahoma, sometimes stopping in the middle for a drop-off or pick-up.
And this time, the end result was great-grandma meeting great-granddaughter for the first time. 💗
It seems like yesterday…
I was putting my
Hand in your face
When you tried to kiss me
Yet here we are
Thirty years of marriage later
It seems like yesterday…
We were bringing
Our first baby home
Not a clue what to do
Yet now he is married
With a baby of his own
It seems like yesterday…
I was chauffeuring
Three kids to school
Listening to them laugh
And now, sometimes
I get to be their passenger
I did not think it was possible
For time to pass any faster
But when I watch
My granddaughter sleep
See her sweet smile
I don’t want to blink
Perhaps if I
Thought of them
As belonging
To a waterfall
Freely rushing
Over the edge
Of a rock face
Skillfully smoothed
From the continuous
Flow of unexpected
Strength and sorrow
Knowing they will
Slow down
Once reaching
A quiet stream below-
Not losing purpose
But discovering
New resolve-
Perhaps if
I thought of them
As belonging
To a waterfall
I would let them fall
Free of fear
No concern for
Who might be
Standing at the lookout
Witnessing my life
In motion through
Each drop of rain
From the storms
Each spot of color
From the rainbows
Talking about anxiety and depression is not easy. When emotions feel out of balance, it is tempting to hide them. But putting on a happy face, though sometimes necessary, is not a permanent solution. Eventually, they will find a way out, often leading to embarrassment and exhaustion.
Well, at least that was my experience earlier this week. 😉
Thankful for friends and family who understand and keep me grounded. ❤️
It was an eventful week. My yearly physical suggested the need for cholesterol medicine. Then I was rear-ended Thursday on my way home from work.
Such is life, out of our control. Well, I can do some work on the cholesterol front. But that’s not the point. The point is hope remains.
A weekend visit meant all the chicks in the nest, along with the grandbaby chick. Girls went to a concert, boys to a movie. And Gigi hung out with Emi.
Listening as you
Find your voice
Watching as you
Learn to reach
Rocking as you
Fall asleep
Troubles
Of the day
Melt away
Five tiny fingers
Wrapped
Around my thumb
Eyelids heavy
With sleep
Let it fall
As I hold you
Little one
And dream
Your dreams
While I remember mine
Piano Girl 