Not a cloud in the sky.
Yet, a heavy haze
held the morning.
Unhelpful. Especially when
my brain also feels foggy.
If only I were still sleeping.
However, sleep is not
a likely solution.
There is rarely a
single solution anyway.
Some days are just like this.
My heart is grateful for
family and friends.
My head is unsure how
to process the melancholy.
Seems counterintuitive
to wish for a cloud.
But if a fluffy cloud means
A lifted haze
A bluer sky
A spark of imagination
Then I will keep searching.
Looking out every time
I pass a window.
Tag: depression
Simply Sunday
A Lesson in Comparison
I have never seen
a blue so pale, barely blue.
Blurring the lines
between sky and cloud.
Still blue, only subdued.
The mood emanating from
those muted hues
is quite opposite from
this morning’s bird songs.
Playful conversations
I could only observe,
no matter how closely
I listened. Smile-inducing,
even without understanding.
Perhaps there’s a lesson
in the comparison.
Pale blue-an accurate description
of my current mood.
Playful conversations-an indication
of future possibilities.
An intriguing coexistence.
Straight Ahead
It wasn’t supposed to rain.
But when I stepped outside,
raindrops landed on my head,
my face and my arms.
They dried almost as quickly as they fell.
Strange, no gray clouds in sight.
Looking straight ahead, while
turning a 360-degree radius,
there was a mix of
bright blue,
fluffy white,
and daylight.
Where was the gray?
Directly overhead.
I suddenly felt like a cartoon character.
You know the one.
Aimlessly lumbering across a happy scene,
accompanied by a single rain cloud.
It’s curious, today is clear and sunny.
And I miss the raindrops.
Two Different Things
Facing my fears-
Does that mean the same
As overcoming them?
I don’t think so
It doesn’t feel that way
In the moment
Perhaps they’re two
Different things-
Understanding fear’s roots
Proves helpful
And yet, the feelings
Do not simply vanish
Anxious, irrational fears
Of once again being
Out of control
Suddenly flood
Every part of my body-
Time to stop
Take a breath
Sit down
Look directly ahead
Or, if necessary
Close my eyes
Allow tears to fall
And that is ok-
It is helpful to have
Someone next to me
Someone I trust
Who will say
You are safe
It’s ok to close your eyes
You can open your eyes now
And when I step out
Of my comfort zone
Even just a little says
I’m so proud of you!
Simply Sunday
Reasons to Smile
The dense morning haze
Weighed heavy on my
Foggy morning brain
Forcing sad thoughts
To the surface-
No way around
Muddling through
The middle would
Have to do
The haze gave way
To mid-morning layers
Of grays and whites
Overlapping, continually
Trading places until
Swaths of baby blue
Smiled through the gaps–
And with no hesitation
I smiled back
Sometimes we all need a reminder of our many reasons for smiling. Time with family is one of my favorite reasons. 💗
Simply Sunday
Fragile
Old hurts suddenly
Rear their ugly head
Bringing new
Aches and pains
To the surface-
Fear closely follows
Afraid the fractures
In an already
Fragile armor
Might give way
Leaving behind
A pile of rubble
To sift through-
Then I remember
Strength resides
On the inside
It feels the hurt
But also sees the light
Finding its way
Through the rifts
Into the Hidden
Recesses where
Healing continues
The light shines in the darkness
And the darkness
Has not overcome it.
John 1:5
Simply Sunday
Some days it seems
The tap of a feather
Can knock me to the ground
Yet, on those very days
A kind word
Or simple gesture
Can lift me to my feet
Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.
Proverbs 12:25
Tears
Perhaps if I
Thought of them
As belonging
To a waterfall
Freely rushing
Over the edge
Of a rock face
Skillfully smoothed
From the continuous
Flow of unexpected
Strength and sorrow
Knowing they will
Slow down
Once reaching
A quiet stream below-
Not losing purpose
But discovering
New resolve-
Perhaps if
I thought of them
As belonging
To a waterfall
I would let them fall
Free of fear
No concern for
Who might be
Standing at the lookout
Witnessing my life
In motion through
Each drop of rain
From the storms
Each spot of color
From the rainbows
Talking about anxiety and depression is not easy. When emotions feel out of balance, it is tempting to hide them. But putting on a happy face, though sometimes necessary, is not a permanent solution. Eventually, they will find a way out, often leading to embarrassment and exhaustion.
Well, at least that was my experience earlier this week. 😉
Thankful for friends and family who understand and keep me grounded. ❤️
Packing and Unpacking
Started unpacking today
After twenty-plus years
Guess it’s about time-
Not that this suitcase
Was hidden
No, it has floated
In my periphery
Until a flashback
Would open the latch
Spilling its contents
In a jumbled mess
All over my heart-
A quick nod
Possible sharing
Then once again
Packed away-
Not this time
This time I am
Choosing to
Open the latch
Hold each piece close-
Fear
Anger
Gratitude
Release-
Acknowledging
Their impact
Before gently folding
Placing them in my
Chest of Memories
Not to be forgotten
But remembered
With clarity
Within the journey
Open Fields
Dense Fog
Rolled in
Last week
Came prepared
To stay awhile
Despite the lack
Of invitation
Hung around
Clouded my vision-
Got a headache
From constantly
Squinting
Until…
The tiniest
Wave of Light
Called me out
Into the clearing
And we said
Goodbye
From the other side
Piano Girl 