As We Go
This past Friday was a rainy, inside recess kind of day. My last class of the day is 2nd grade. So I made a last minute change of plans and decided to teach them a game, Instrument Bingo. Fairly certain they would at least be familiar with the concept of Bingo, I began to explain this particular version.
Bingo cards are made up of musical instrument pictures, each one also identified by written names. Many types of instruments, representing all parts of the world, are shown on the cards. Students listen to recordings of the instruments being played and a voice also tells them the name. It’s a win, win kinda game.
I wanted this to be a fun learning activity-reminding them I did not expect them to already know all these instruments, and we would be learning them as we played the game. One sweet girl raised her hand, “You mean, we will all learn together as we go.” Yes! That is exactly what we will be doing!
That one statement from an innocent 2nd grader holds much wisdom. As I wrote it down on my “positives” list, I began to think about all the ways it applies to life. Being a spouse, parent, and teacher are perfect examples. Often our focus is on the big event-a wedding, birth of a baby, college graduation, our first teaching job-culminating in our suddenly taking on those identities.
Yes, those events are important and grant us that particular role or position in name, but time and experience are required for actual transformation. And that’s what true learning is-transformation. I need to remember this when feeling frustrated or disappointed with myself concerning my life responsibilities.
My goal should be learning from my own mistakes as well as from others who have more experience. Followed by a willingness to share what I learn with those who may have just begun their journey down a similar path. Always making sure to remember-we are all just learning together as we go.
As I Go
I am not the same wife I was
On my wedding day
I am not the same mom I was
On my first child’s birth day
So many people, places, events
Influenced who I am today
So many words, prayers, tears
Helped to light my way
As I continue walking along
This path we know as life
Will my desires be persistent
To become a better mom and wife
Should I choose to recognize
I am not alone in my strife
Transformation through lessons learned
Will prove worthy of sacrifice
List the Positives
Yesterday I vowed to keep a list of positives throughout the day today in hopes of helping my mood and focus. Well…I have a list. It took me until lunch time to actually start writing anything down, but by the end of the day my list covered both sides of a post-it note.
- Cooler weather
- Students positive responses to having a choice between whiteboards and popsicle sticks for writing or constructing their rhythmic patterns.
- Hearing, “I got it right!”
- Receiving three books from students off of my book fair list.
- Unplanned, improvised “singing” of one of those books.
- A student who has severe anxiety, always sits alone and doesn’t speak to me, accepted a music stamp on his hand when leaving class today.
Was it a perfect day? No-there’s no such thing. But was it a good day? Yes. And even though I may not be able to use my mood as an indicator for the success of the day, I can look back on my list and be reminded of the things that were good. Funny thing is, almost all the items are things over which I have little or no control.
So what do I have control over? Continuing to look for the positive. My responses to the people and situations I encounter. Loving my family, friends, and students.
Any guesses which book I sang today? It was super fun!
Popsicle Sticks & Clouds
Time for confession-I am struggling this week. Low days, fighting back tears, just the general blahs. It will pass, I’m sure. When this happens, thankfully I’ve learned to recognize it and say it out loud. If it lasts longer than a week, there’s a need to talk with a trusted friend or family member.
All that to say-I found myself searching for the positive on my drive home from school today. The sun was shining, the sky a beautiful blue with perfect, fluffy, floating clouds. Besides blue being my favorite color, I’ve always been fascinated with the sky and its inhabitants. Seeing one like this today most definitely helped my mood.
Once my attitude began to change, I remembered kindergarten class from earlier today. We’ve been learning about rhythmic patterns while going on our adventures with Freddie the Frog. Today was review time and students were creating patterns on the Smart Board. Their ability to not only create a pattern but also read it out loud was a pleasant surprise.
Each of them was eager to give it a try-all twenty of them-at the same time. Suddenly I remembered the popsicle stick basket. First and second graders had used them the day before to create patterns on the carpet. I hadn’t planned on using them with kindergarten just yet.
Change of plans! I asked the kiddos to move to our circle and gave each a hand full of popsicle sticks-rhythmic patterns began to appear everywhere! Once we cleaned up, I asked students to brainstorm ways they could do this activity at home if they didn’t have popsicle sticks. Crayons! Pencils! Markers! Legos! And on and on and on…one mentioned writing down their patterns. Impressive!
Encouraged by the success of my kindergartners, I decided to attempt the activity I had asked them to try at home. Here are my results.
Goal for tomorrow-begin my day looking for the positive. Will I be successful? I don’t know. But hopefully I will remember that the simplest things can change my day for the better-even popsicle sticks and clouds.
Lessons Learned
Returned from a long weekend workshop to a not-so-great report from one of my classes…a fifth grade class. You know, the ones who are supposed to be my leaders. If there was any class to be concerned about, this would not have been the one I’d pick. I was disappointed to say the least. So the first day back started with a heart to heart chat.
While expressing my sadness over their actions and some missing candy, I knew the tears were going to start-mine, not theirs. A few of them did join in after a few minutes. My purpose in confronting the students was not to make them feel bad. It was about giving them a chance to make a good choice and be honest about what happened while I was gone.
We all make poor choices sometimes. All of us-no exceptions. And even though it’s difficult, admitting those mistakes brings growth and freedom. My students had the chance to make things right, and I’m proud to say almost all of them rose to the challenge.
Reading their apology notes later in the day, I once again found myself getting choked up. There were sweet assurances of their love and appreciation-covered in hearts and music notes, of course. For some, the realization and acknowledgement they had not fulfilled leadership roles. But the one that touched me the most-“I’m so sorry that I made you feel sad.” Wow.
Just as with my own children, I work hard to get my students to think about how their behaviors affect other people. Or how they would feel being on the receiving end of an unkind word or action. Today I learned that I must keep teaching those lessons. They really do listen! And when given the chance-make the right choice. A choice with the power to encourage this teacher to keep teaching.
Fast forward…the next morning at school (day after our little chat) one sweet student said, “My brother and I have something for you.” An entire bag of candy to replace what had “disappeared” while I was away. The amazing thing is their mom would have had no way of knowing what happened unless they went home and shared. It may seem like a small gesture to some, but for me…the best gift I could have possibly received.
Here’s to teaching! The lessons we impart, but more importantly the ones we learn along the way.
Teacher as Student
How often do we as teachers think of ourselves as students? Do we look for opportunities to learn from our students? On those required PD days or weekend workshops, do we truly put ourselves in the position of learner? I know the answer for me is often no, not really. It’s easy to just check off another box or keep pressing through my lesson plans. It’s much harder to focus on what I don’t know and admit needing help.
This weekend I truly experienced what it feels like to be a student. There were moments of challenge that made my head hurt! Activities that were way outside of my comfort zone. I’d forgotten how frustrating those times can be, especially when they involve disagreements or differences in teaching philosophies. I don’t particularly like to debate and often avoid conflict. But I was reminded of their benefit and usefulness when used in structured and limited ways.
The challenging times were followed by moments of encouragement and creativity. When you sing or dance with a group of people you’ve just debated, the air clears rather quickly. There really is something powerful about music and it’s ability to influence mood and atmosphere. And that is the root of what made this weekend so special.
Our topic was “Teaching Music to Students With Special Needs.” The group of participants was made up of music teachers and special education teachers. As you can imagine, the personalities, opinions, and philosophies were strong on both sides. With the help of our amazing instructor, we were able to work together, learning new material and sharing helpful ideas from our own teaching experiences.
Tomorrow I will head back to my classroom. Yes, I will be taking super fun, new, and exciting activities with me. Hopefully those will help renew my energy as the teacher. But more important than the activities will be the attention I give to my students as individuals, looking for ways to both support and challenge all of them. Focusing on each one as a person first, while also recognizing and acknowledging their differences.
Being a student is hard work! And to be a great teacher, I have to continue being a student, too!
Person First
Sometimes my brain plays tricks on me
And the person in my head
Doesn’t match the reflection I see
My life has great worth, though not all believe
Yet from the time I was born
My mom reassured me
I shout out “Hello!” from inside my brain
Even though you can’t hear it
I’m shouting it, just the same
Who do you see when you look my way?
Will you take time to know me
Or will you just look away?
Do you ever think about what others see?
When they look your way
Are you fretful or free?
No matter our differences, I hope you’ll agree
We are all persons first
Always remember…Oh, please!
Parent/Child Circle
Being both daughter and mom of a daughter creates a constant cycle of emotions and challenges. As a daughter, I did not truly appreciate the actions of my mom until becoming a mom myself. As a mom, I continually struggle with whether or not my parenting decisions were best for my children. It’s an unending, mixed up, beautiful circle.
There were times I certainly drove my mom crazy and surely caused her many sleepless nights. Thankfully she did not give up on me during my young adult years despite some poor choices on my part. Somehow we both survived. Although my children may not have supplied the same grief, I have experienced the worry and sleepless nights. Part of the job, I suppose.
In a recent conversation, my mom expressed some regret over some of her parenting choices-wishing she had talked more openly about certain subjects. You know the ones-uncomfortable ones we tend to avoid. Almost as if she thought my mistakes were her fault. Naturally, I reassured her that she was a great mom and that I made my own choices.
Truthfully, there comes a time when each of us is responsible for our own actions. My young adult choices were mine-good or bad, and I had to deal with their consequences. The older I become the more I understand how even those mistakes helped form this person I see in the mirror. Yes, they brought guilt and sorrow, but also allowed me to encounter life-changing forgiveness and grace. And that affects how I relate to the people in my life.
At first, I didn’t understand why my mom felt the way she did. How could she possibly think my mistakes were her fault? Then I began to reflect on my own parenting. From that perspective, I began to understand. Our children are part of us. One of our greatest responsibilities. And in some ways, part of our reflection. We want to see the best parts of ourselves in those reflections.
As parents, we love, worry, pray, and provide-but still feel like we’re falling short. Did we encourage enough? Or too much? Was our opinion expressed too strongly? Or not strongly enough? Did we efficiently equip our children to make good decisions? On the one hand feeling responsible for our children’s mistakes, on the other acknowledging our parents are not responsible for ours. Certainly a contradiction of ideas.
Logical or not, this crazy cycle goes on and on. Is this cause for concern? Something we need to change? I would argue no. This is the parent/child circle. You can’t be a parent without first being a child. You can’t be a child without first having a parent. Sounds simple, but it is beautifully complicated. As a parent I would say it is worth the worry and sleepless nights. And maybe if I stop to remember what it was like to be a child, I won’t be quite so hard on myself as a parent.
Going Home
Growing up, giving directions to my house was always interesting. It went something like this…”Drive past the Natural Steps sign and Moreland’s Grocery Store, go around a sharp curve, over a hill, then you’ll see a straight stretch of road. Right at the end of the straight stretch, turn left onto Mahar Road.” Mahar is my mom’s maiden name, hence the name of the road.
My husband likes to tell people that I grew up in a commune, but that is not the case. The quarter of a mile road, lined with trees on both sides, dead ends into a wide-open valley. My grandparent’s house was in the center, surrounded by several homes belonging to my aunts, uncles, and my parents. Huge oaks, towering pines, and grassy fields provided plenty of room for kids to run and play.
That’s where I spent my childhood-riding bikes, digging in the dirt, playing kickball and basketball with my cousins. And since my mom had six sisters and two brothers, there were always cousins around. They say I made them listen to me practice piano and violin…well, maybe a few times. But most of the time, we were outside. Distinct memories include singing at the top of my lungs while riding bicycles, trying to fool my uncle with mud pies, and playing “King of the Mountain” on Grandma’s front porch.
Almost thirty-three years have passed since I lived on Mahar Road. Even while typing I think surely that can’t be correct! Oh, but it is…despite the years gone by and having a family of my own, I still refer to this special place as home. I’m thankful to have grown up there-carefree, no worries about safety, room to let our imaginations run wild.
Of course, things have changed since I was a child. My grandparents are no longer living, cousins are all grown and many, just like me, have moved away. That doesn’t matter. Simply driving the route that leads to home causes any anxiety to melt away. My brain slows down, my body relaxes, and while there I truly rest. Sometimes I even feel like a kid again.
Thinking about my childhood reminds me that home is so much more than a house. It’s the people, the places, the memories. And sometimes…you just need to go home.
Life’s Roles
Daughter first
Sister second
Years later wife
Mom times three
Cousin, niece, aunt
Friend and teacher between
Each role gives purpose
Brings responsibility
Delivers sorrow
Causes growth
Provides joy
Creates life
I look ahead
The future unseen
New roles yet to come
Hopeful to embrace each one
Through smiles, laughter, or tears
And continue down this path to becoming me
Piano Girl 