Author: Piano girl

Wife, mom of three, friend, teacher, pianist. Learn from the past, live in the moment, hope for the future.

Turbulence

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During my young adult years, the thought of flying brought an almost paralyzing fear.  In my head I knew it was not logical.  After all, people flew all over the world every day.  Yet there it stood like a brick wall, ready to block my path to future travels and adventures.

The one thing I truly hated about flying-turbulence.  Even when the pilot would say, “Excuse me folks, please keep your seatbelts fastened, we are expecting some turbulence up ahead,” it still felt unexpected to me when it happened.  This sudden occurrence would bring anxious thoughts and a nervous knot in the pit of my stomach.

Deep inside I knew the positives of flying far outweighed this one negative.  Reaching a faraway destination quickly, viewing the clouds from above, seeing the sunrise as you’re landing-amazing perspectives almost impossible to experience except when flying.

As I’ve gotten older and flown more often, my fears have begun to fade.  Oh, I still get that knot in the pit of my stomach when those unstable winds hit, but it passes much more quickly these days.  I’m also glad to say I am now able to survive take-off and landing without tightly closing my eyes and taking a multitude of deep breaths…progress, right?

Flying out of Tulsa this morning I once again experienced this unsettling phenomenon. I began to think about how it compares to life.  As each of us travels our own path, we will without a doubt encounter turbulent times-those events which shake us, challenge us, frighten us, and cause us grief.  A move, job change, loss of a family member or friend.  The list goes on and on…and it is unavoidable.

Those thoughts left me with questions. How do I respond during those stormy times?  Do I become paralyzed with fear?  Have my responses changed with experience and maturity?  As to the last question-maybe-I hope so.  But truthfully, the answer to all those questions depends on the severity of the storm.

As I continue on my journey with hope for reaching my destination, I must learn to live with both the turbulent as well as the smooth parts of the flight.  Yes, oftentimes the journey will be difficult, but it will also be beautiful.  Either way, I must keep flying and believe that it will all be worth it in the end.

 

“Casting the whole of your cares (all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all) on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.”   I Peter 5:7

“For this God is our God for ever and ever;  he will be our guide even to the end.”     Psalm 48:14

Something to Say

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The following essay was written for a Writing Contest hosted by Positive Writer entitled You are Enough.

http://positivewriter.com/writing-contest-you-are-enough/

I believe each one of us has something important to say.  Valuable ideas, opinions, and questions are always hovering at the forefront of our minds. The decision to keep these thoughts inside our head, say them out loud, or write them down is personal. But once we decide to engage in this process of writing, the freedom experienced far outweighs any prior apprehensions.

Whether typed on a personal tech device or handwritten in a journal, the simple act of writing words down gives them life. Suddenly we see them in a different light. Simple ideas once floating around in our head instantly become concrete-combinations of letters in black and white ready to be read over and over, edited and expanded.

Once words are given life, we have another choice to make. Will our words remain private or will we find an appropriate platform for sharing?  Some may remain unread until we are no longer living, leaving behind insights intended only for those closest to us.  Others we may choose to display freely for anyone to read.

My family recently received a wonderful gift of words. After the passing of my Aunt Pearl, numerous precious pages written in her own handwriting were discovered by her children. Did she consider herself a writer? No-yet her words, beautifully describing her life, her hopes and her dreams, provided comfort during a time of grief.

Certain words, however, need to be shared in the present. Not only for the writer’s benefit but also the unexpected help they may provide others. A strong likelihood exists that other people are coping with the same life challenges and fears, yet have not found the courage to give their thoughts life.  Your words may provide the encouragement they need.

I was extremely nervous about sharing my personal story concerning depression in written form.  Typing those confessions gave them a new sense of reality.  Once I took the next step and clicked the publish button, a flood of positive responses arrived. Others suddenly felt free to tell their personal stories, and their powerful words provided the realization that I was not alone in my struggles.

What happens when we choose courage and allow our words to make a positive contribution to this world?  We won’t know until we write. Don’t be afraid!  Your thoughts have great value. And once put into words, they help tell your story-the specific set of life experiences belonging only to you. No one else is exactly like you, and someone out there needs to hear your words, your insights, your story! Get busy writing!

Something important needs to be said which only you can say!

A Single Snapshot

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I continue to be amazed how one photo has the power to bring such a flood of emotions.  Just when I think my heart is ok, one picture of my sweet friend Marie-and I’m crying.  See earlier blog post:   Face to Face with Child Abuse: Personal Reflections of a Teacher

A sweet teacher friend recognized Marie in an online adoption video and shared the link.  I had to watch it, of course.  Hearing how the social worker described her-listening as Marie answered questions about her favorite things-all I could think was, “I know the answer!”  Like an impatient student raising their hand, shouting, “Pick me! Pick me! Oh, and here’s some additional info you didn’t even ask for.”

I was struck by the social workers comment, “She deserves a family.”  I completely agree.  She’s not the only one.  While looking at this link, I saw pages and pages of other children-all with a story-all without a family.  And then my questions started all over again.  How does this happen?  Why does this happen so often?  What do we do to help?

My initial reaction was to shout inside my head, “I don’t have any answers!”  But when I took a step back and calmed my emotions, the following things came into focus:

  • Amazing people who have chosen to be foster parents.
  • Others who have adopted or are considering adoption.
  • People like myself-looking for ways to be an advocate and friend.

No, these positives won’t wipe away all the heartache.  They are however, small steps in the right direction.  When a child who has been neglected, abused, and deserted is able to experience love, acceptance, and security-the healing process begins.  I continue to witness this in my sweet friend.

There is still so much to do.  I don’t want to become complacent in searching for ways to advocate for my friend.  It’s also important for me to recognize the children right in front of me everyday who are facing the same kind of sadness and heartache.  Yes, it feels like an impossible, daunting task.  Today I was reminded of my role and responsibility-and for that reminder I’m thankful.

I was also reminded of the impact this one child has had on my heart.  No amount of my tears can cover the suffering she has endured, but seeing her smile gives me hope.

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”  Galatians 6:9

 

As We Go

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This past Friday was a rainy, inside recess kind of day.  My last class of the day is 2nd grade.  So I made a last minute change of plans and decided to teach them a game, Instrument Bingo.  Fairly certain they would at least be familiar with the concept of Bingo, I began to explain this particular version.

Bingo cards are made up of musical instrument pictures, each one also identified by written names.  Many types of instruments, representing all parts of the world, are shown on the cards.  Students listen to recordings of the instruments being played and a voice also tells them the name.  It’s a win, win kinda game.

I wanted this to be a fun learning activity-reminding them I did not expect them to already know all these instruments, and we would be learning them as we played the game. One sweet girl raised her hand, “You mean, we will all learn together as we go.”  Yes!  That is exactly what we will be doing!

That one statement from an innocent 2nd grader holds much wisdom.  As I wrote it down on my “positives” list, I began to think about all the ways it applies to life. Being a spouse, parent, and teacher are perfect examples.  Often our focus is on the big event-a wedding, birth of a baby, college graduation, our first teaching job-culminating in our suddenly taking on those identities.

Yes, those events are important and grant us that particular role or position in name, but time and experience are required for actual transformation.  And that’s what true learning is-transformation.  I need to remember this when feeling frustrated or disappointed with myself concerning my life responsibilities.

My goal should be learning from my own mistakes as well as from others who have more experience.  Followed by a willingness to share what I learn with those who may have just begun their journey down a similar path.  Always making sure to remember-we are all just learning together as we go.

 

As I Go

I am not the same wife I was

On my wedding day

I am not the same mom I was

On my first child’s birth day

So many people, places, events

Influenced who I am today

So many words, prayers, tears

Helped to light my way

 

As I continue walking along

This path we know as life

Will my desires be persistent

To become a better mom and wife

Should I choose to recognize

I am not alone in my strife

Transformation through lessons learned

Will prove worthy of sacrifice

List the Positives

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Yesterday I vowed to keep a list of positives throughout the day today in hopes of helping my mood and focus.  Well…I have a list.  It took me until lunch time to actually start writing anything down, but by the end of the day my list covered both sides of a post-it note.

  •  Cooler weather
  •  Students positive responses to having a choice between whiteboards and popsicle  sticks for writing or constructing their rhythmic patterns.
  •  Hearing, “I got it right!”
  •  Receiving three books from students off of my book fair list.
  •  Unplanned, improvised “singing” of one of those books.
  •  A student who has severe anxiety, always sits alone and doesn’t speak to me,  accepted a music stamp on his hand when leaving class today.

Was it a perfect day?  No-there’s no such thing.  But was it a good day?  Yes.  And even though I may not be able to use my mood as an indicator for the success of the day, I can look back on my list and be reminded of the things that were good.  Funny thing is, almost all the items are things over which I have little or no control.

So what do I have control over?  Continuing to look for the positive.  My responses to the people and situations I encounter.  Loving my family, friends, and students.

Any guesses which book I sang today?  It was super fun!

books

 

Popsicle Sticks & Clouds

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Time for confession-I am struggling this week.  Low days, fighting back tears, just the general blahs.  It will pass, I’m sure.  When this happens, thankfully I’ve learned to recognize it and say it out loud.  If it lasts longer than a week, there’s a need to talk with a trusted friend or family member.

All that to say-I found myself searching for the positive on my drive home from school today.  The sun was shining, the sky a beautiful blue with perfect, fluffy, floating clouds. Besides blue being my favorite color, I’ve always been fascinated with the sky and its inhabitants.  Seeing one like this today most definitely helped my mood.

clouds2

Once my attitude began to change, I remembered kindergarten class from earlier today.  We’ve been learning about rhythmic patterns while going on our adventures with Freddie the Frog.  Today was review time and students were creating patterns on the Smart Board.  Their ability to not only create a pattern but also read it out loud was a pleasant surprise.

Each of them was eager to give it a try-all twenty of them-at the same time.  Suddenly I remembered the popsicle stick basket. First and second graders had used them the day before to create patterns on the carpet. I hadn’t planned on using them with kindergarten just yet.

Change of plans!  I asked the kiddos to move to our circle and gave each a hand full of popsicle sticks-rhythmic patterns began to appear everywhere!  Once we cleaned up, I asked students to brainstorm ways they could do this activity at home if they didn’t have popsicle sticks.  Crayons!  Pencils!  Markers!  Legos!  And on and on and on…one mentioned writing down their patterns.  Impressive!

Encouraged by the success of my kindergartners, I decided to attempt the activity I had asked them to try at home.  Here are my results.

Goal for tomorrow-begin my day looking for the positive.  Will I be successful?  I don’t know.  But hopefully I will remember that the simplest things can change my day for the better-even popsicle sticks and clouds.

Lessons Learned

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Returned from a long weekend workshop to a not-so-great report from one of my classes…a fifth grade class.  You know, the ones who are supposed to be my leaders.  If there was any class to be concerned about, this would not have been the one I’d pick.  I was disappointed to say the least.  So the first day back started with a heart to heart chat.

While expressing my sadness over their actions and some missing candy, I knew the tears were going to start-mine, not theirs.  A few of them did join in after a few minutes.  My purpose in confronting the students was not to make them feel bad.  It was about giving them a chance to make a good choice and be honest about what happened while I was gone.

We all make poor choices sometimes.  All of us-no exceptions.  And even though it’s difficult, admitting those mistakes brings growth and freedom.  My students had the chance to make things right, and I’m proud to say almost all of them rose to the challenge.

Reading their apology notes later in the day, I once again found myself getting choked up.  There were sweet assurances of their love and appreciation-covered in hearts and music notes, of course.  For some, the realization and acknowledgement they had not fulfilled leadership roles.  But the one that touched me the most-“I’m so sorry that I made you feel sad.”  Wow.

Just as with my own children, I work hard to get my students to think about how their behaviors affect other people.  Or how they would feel being on the receiving end of an unkind word or action.  Today I learned that I must keep teaching those lessons.  They really do listen!  And when given the chance-make the right choice.  A choice with the power to encourage this teacher to keep teaching.

Fast forward…the next morning at school (day after our little chat) one sweet student said, “My brother and I have something for you.”  An entire bag of candy to replace what had “disappeared” while I was away.  The amazing thing is their mom would have had no way of knowing what happened unless they went home and shared.  It may seem like a small gesture to some, but for me…the best gift I could have possibly received.

Here’s to teaching! The lessons we impart, but more importantly the ones we learn along the way.

Teacher as Student

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How often do we as teachers think of ourselves as students?  Do we look for opportunities to learn from our students? On those required PD days or weekend workshops, do we truly put ourselves in the position of learner?  I know the answer for me is often no, not really.  It’s easy to just check off another box or keep pressing through my lesson plans.  It’s much harder to focus on what I don’t know and admit needing help.

This weekend I truly experienced what it feels like to be a student.  There were moments of challenge that made my head hurt!  Activities that were way outside of my comfort zone.  I’d forgotten how frustrating those times can be, especially when they involve disagreements or differences in teaching philosophies.  I don’t particularly like to debate and often avoid conflict.  But I was reminded of their benefit and usefulness when used in structured and limited ways.

The challenging times were followed by moments of encouragement and creativity.  When you sing or dance with a group of people you’ve just debated, the air clears rather quickly.  There really is something powerful about music and it’s ability to influence mood and atmosphere.  And that is the root of what made this weekend so special.

Our topic was “Teaching Music to Students With Special Needs.”  The group of participants was made up of music teachers and special education teachers.  As you can imagine, the personalities, opinions, and philosophies were strong on both sides.  With the help of our amazing instructor, we were able to work together, learning new material and sharing helpful ideas from our own teaching experiences.

Tomorrow I will head back to my classroom.  Yes, I will be taking super fun, new, and exciting activities with me.  Hopefully those will help renew my energy as the teacher.  But more important than the activities will be the attention I give to my students as individuals, looking for ways to both support and challenge all of them.  Focusing on each one as a person first, while also recognizing and acknowledging their differences.

Being a student is hard work!  And to be a great teacher, I have to continue being a student, too!