One may
Cause me
To cry
Another
To laugh
Maybe both
At the same time
But I cannot
Travel
Back in time or
Remain endlessly
Engrossed
In a single
Snapshot
Even when it
Has the power
To wrap me up
In a cocoon
Turning my heart
Inside out
As it mixes
The broken
With the upheld
Before releasing
This time
It snuck in
With a dream
One of those
Chaotic
Makes-no-sense
Dreams
Ending suddenly
In a moment
Of clarity-
A familiar photo
From the past
One I have seen
Many times-
And I woke up
Remembering
How much I miss you
After a great first week at my new job, I wasn’t expecting a visit from grief. But that’s how it goes. My capacity to hold this grief will continue to grow. That acceptance that death is part of life. It does not make me miss my dad any less. But it does allow me to both cry and smile over sweet memories. ❤️
We grew up together. Cousins, a curious mix of family and friends. If I’ve ever talked to you about cousins, you know I have twenty-five first cousins on my mom’s side of the family! I love sharing that fact.
This group was enveloping. Some older, some younger, and some the same age. We played hard and fought sometimes. Learned how to hold babies when a new cousin came along. The older ones served as built-in babysitters.
Now, we’re all grown up. We each took our own path. Don’t see each other often, maybe at a funeral or a rare holiday visit. But when one is sick, as is currently the case, or facing challenges, there is a flood of memories and emotions.
In those moments, I picture us as kids again. Running and playing with no thoughts of accidents, cancer, or death. But reality snaps me back with one look in the mirror. The truth is unavoidable. We are no longer kids.
That truth mixes with our history, leaving me grateful that we grew up together. Leaving me wanting to say, I love you.
It is not an
Exaggeration to say
Some moments
It feels like
My heart
Might explode
Several chapters
Lived over time
Love, joy, grief
Converge at once
Holding hands
Across my story
One sweet sentence
From a paragraph
That I never
Want to forget
Though impossible
To clearly express
Lately, emotions seem to well up, catching me by surprise.
A sweet conversation with Mom. A moment of missing Dad. Crying on my husband’s shoulder. Chats with my adult children. Watching my son and daughter-in-law care for my granddaughter.
Both the enormity and the smallness of life collide. And I feel every single moment right in the center of my chest. ❤️
Words are stuck
Crawling
Through the fog
In my brain
Thoughts swirl
Bumping
Into each other
Vying for attention
Light approaches
Burning away the fog
Sorting through my thoughts-
Perhaps I should close
My heavy eyes
Lay my head back
And bask in the warmth
Of the Light on my face
Watching sweet Emi fall asleep is a gift. That transition from active to hungry to sleepy-we all know it well.
She doesn’t want to miss a thing!
I’ve used that phrase many times. And it’s true! Babies will sometimes work so hard to stay awake. Truthfully, we adults often do the same. Instead of listening to our tired bodies and minds, we keep pushing.
It’s ok. Lay your head back. Close your eyes. The world won’t stop spinning. 😉
Hi, Dad
I could feel
Myself speaking
But the words
Were inaudible
A slight smile
At my hesitation
A glance toward
The ground
Then on to
The task at hand-
Placing new flowers
On your headstone
Peaceful purples
And deep greens
We miss you
A bright yellow
Butterfly also
Fluttered by
To say hello
Mom and I enjoyed a nice drive and a sunny day. Temps were cooler and there was a nice breeze. As Mom wisely said- I will never not miss him. But life continues and we must keep living.
Bright eyes
Focused
Little hands
Reaching
Tiny fingers
Learning to grasp
Such hard work
Heavy eyes
Fussy cries
Fighting sleep
Afraid of missing
A single minute
Held close
Rest comes
Giving in to
Sweet dreams-
I wonder
If she knows
She’s holding
My heart
As she sleeps
What a joy to have our family all together. We laughed, cried, and ate lots of good food. And, of course, our little granddaughter was the center of attention. I was thankful for the opportunity to hold her and get her to sleep. There is nothing like the sweet weight of a sleeping baby. Well, listening to her coo is pretty sweet, too.
Sitting in a rocker in front of Cracker Barrell in Alma, AR, I almost wrote 1993 instead of 2023 at the top of my journal page. This spot between Tulsa, OK, and Little Rock, AR, has been our family meeting place for years. I was waiting for my brother to drop off my mom this time.
Many a summer or spring break adventure started there. Sometimes, it was our kids going to spend a week with grandparents. Other times, it was me having some extended family time. And when you have as many cousins as me, extra time is needed.
So, what took me back to 1993? It was an eventful year for us! We were married in May, moved in July, and had a baby the following December. And that’s when it all started. Traveling the highway between Arkansas and Oklahoma, sometimes stopping in the middle for a drop-off or pick-up.
And this time, the end result was great-grandma meeting great-granddaughter for the first time. 💗
Sharing two poems from this month’s writing circle. Grateful for time to write, listen, and reflect with this sweet group of individuals. ❤️ https://flashlightbatteries.blog/ with Ali Grimshaw.
I have always
Only had one
Some people
Periodically
Choose a new one
Like my sweet niece
A new color
For each new year
But not me
Can’t let mine go-
I sometimes wonder
Why it’s my favorite
Then quickly remember
There are too many
Reasons to count-
An endless sky
On a clear summer day
The vastness of the ocean
As it fades into the horizon
The kind eyes of my dad
The bright eyes of my granddaughter
Only a few examples
From an endless list
Painted in shades of blue
Can you imagine being
Completely covered
In sticky, sweet honey?
Unable to enjoy
Even the tiniest
Of tastes
Due to the
Unpleasantness
Of clogged ears
And glazed eyes
Unable to shift
Even the smallest
Of limbs
Stuck
All alone
Waiting
To be rescued
From your immersion
In too much of
This golden goodness
Relieved
When friends arrive
And carry you
Back to your hive
Lesson learned-
A little honey goes a long way!
Music is a foundational part of my life. It is there to help me celebrate. It is there when I’m sad. Whether playing or listening, its power is undeniable. Today seems like a good time to simply share. 😉❤️
Piano Girl 