Feeling a bit restless
Time for a change?
Not quite sure
The question sounds strange
Looking back ten years
What do I see?
Time for a change
A determined me
Time for a change
No doubt then
Confident and strong
Am I ready again?
Where do I start?
What do I rearrange?
So many questions when it’s
Time for a change
Tag: life
Wiper Blade Swishes
A gray mist hung in the air all day today. More than simple fog, it appeared like a sheer curtain. As if you walked through it, you would come out on the other side soaking wet.
No individual clouds. No glimpses of blue. Not even a hint of sunshine. And believe me, I peeked outside between classes all day long…just in case.
Leaving school for the day, I noticed a light, wet film on my car windshield. One swish from the windshield wipers and it was gone. Wiper blades are an interesting invention. At first glance, they might seem insignificant in comparison with the entire car. But get caught in the rain without a working one, and you realize its power.
This one little swish of a wiper blade caused me to reflect on the day. Despite the feeling of heaviness due to the conditions outside, had there been other “wiper blade swishes” which helped make the day clearer? Of course!
- Early morning Starbucks run with the Dream Team
- 5th graders engaging over Beethoven and musical motifs
- Kindergarteners playing Under the Sea & Just Keep Swimming with the parachute
- Singing There’s a Hole in the Bottom of the Sea with 2nd grade
- After school nap
- My husband coming home early to cook dinner
So, where/how am I now? I’m sitting in the orchestra pit. 30 minutes until opening night of Newsies! Energized and ready to go. It’s going to be a great show, no doubt. I will crash when it’s done. Then do it all over again tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that…twice.
Maybe the skies won’t be so gray-maybe they will. Either way, I’ll be watching for the little “wiper blade swishes” to help clear my path and get me through this incredibly exhausting and rewarding week.
Depleted
I had brunch with my dear friend, Marina, this morning. We caught up over coffee and yummy food. It has been a busy couple of weeks, and friend time has been scarce. I don’t think I realized how much I needed this time until it was over.
Near the end of our visit, my friend looked at me and said, “You really are depleted, aren’t you?” I chuckled at first. She tends to use what I would call formal words in casual conversation. It is her way, and I love it. This term, however, stuck in my head. Depleted.
When I got home, I wrote the word down. Hmmm…an interesting word. Looking up the definition lead to a list of synonyms: exhausted, sapped, drained, expended. Yep, that’s how I’m feeling. (Honestly, I might have stayed in bed all day had my friend not called.)
Then I scrolled down to the definition part you never take time to read-the Latin word roots, etc. There I saw these words-emptied out. Wow! An entirely new perspective. In order for something to be emptied out, it must have been full at one point. This must also have been true of me, even if I can’t remember when right at this moment. 😉
Instead of thinking, “I’m so tired, there’s so much still to do.” What if I take the time to be refilled? What would that look like?
The upcoming week is musical performance week. Double responsibility. However, I can’t wait until it’s over to begin this process of refilling. So, what is my plan?
Take each day as it comes.
Pray and read-things that calm my thoughts.
Eat a healthy breakfast.
Drink more water.
Take short naps after school each day before call time.
Go to bed early.
Enjoy playing for this amazing show!
By the way, antonyms for depleted are energized and full. I know it will take more than a day to get there. Nevertheless, hopefully, this fresh perspective will remind me that when I am feeling depleted, it is time to slow down and remember to take care of myself. That is the only way I can go from depleted to full.
And this process might just begin by having brunch with a friend. 🙂
Purposefully Remembering
Today marks three years since my father-n-law, Bob died. Each of us remembers him in our own way, with our own actions. Most importantly, we purposefully remember. We choose certain things that to others might seem insignificant, but to us say Papa, Dad, Bob.
Here are a few:
Peanut butter on pancakes
Wild Cherry Pepsi
Chocolate covered cherries
Lego sets
Family photos
Catholic Mass
Barbecue rib dinner
Extra whipped cream on your dessert
A cigar and sip of Drambuie
Finding words may be difficult, but incorporating these little things into our day help us remember him and smile. Each item represents something we know he enjoyed or something he would often get for us. He was always generous. Always thinking about his family. Loved to spoil his grandkids.
We miss him…grateful that the life he lived continues to influence ours.
Time Apart
”Absence makes the heart grow fonder”
Does time away from a loved one really make us feel closer to them? I can only speak from personal experience.
Our married life began with time apart. Soon after our May wedding, my husband, Gart, was hired as the band director in Hominy, OK. He would need to begin working in July to prepare for marching season.
We were so excited about this new chapter! Then reality hit. His first paycheck would not come until late August. We could not afford to go without income. I would need to stay with friends in Fayetteville, AR and keep working while he moved to the apartment where we would both eventually live.
During this time apart, we saw each other most weekends. Weeknights consisted of long, tear-filled phones calls. It was a long two months, but we survived. Looking back, I’d say the experience made us stronger.
Spending a week apart became part of our summers as well. While Gart worked at a summer band camp, I would spend a week with my parents. Once we had kids, it became a perfect opportunity for them to spend time with grandparents.
I believe those times apart early in our marriage helped us truly appreciate one another. It laid a foundation of security and trust. Knowing that even when we were apart, we were okay.
Fast-forward twenty-five years. Our kids are practically grown. That empty nest time is just around the corner. As I type, Gart is out of town for work. Not quite the same as our previously planned time apart.
Honestly, these days I prefer when we are both at home. Maybe it’s because I am getting older. This new life stage. Selfishness. I’m not certain. I only know that when it comes to time apart now, less is more.
As I drove my husband to the airport early this morning, all I could think was, “I’ll be so glad when he gets home this weekend.” ❤️
Much-Needed Spark
”Rough morning, Mrs. Morris?” Sobering words from a 5th-grade student to begin my day. It’s one thing for a colleague or family member to notice-but a student? I was honest. ”Yes, yes it has been, ” I smiled, a tad embarrassed.
Truthfully, I’m running on fumes. My eyes certainly gave it away. (Maybe I should have applied a little more makeup this morning.) My dragging feet also gave clues to my state of being.
So, today I say, ”Thank goodness for 5th graders!” Today anyway. 😉 First of all, one of them noticed and acknowledged I have bad days too. And that’s ok. Second, 5th grade rocked music!
This group of almost middle schoolers entered my room excited, ready to participate! It was an amazing hour of music-making. And we have audio to prove it.
In addition to the awesome 5th graders this morning, some precious moments also occurred in the afternoon.
Looking around my classroom a sweet little girl commented,” I get why you call this music class. You’re always letting us do everything music. And reading us awesome stories.” Another chimed in, ”Yeah, plus she really likes music.” Like, duh.
Lest you think it was a fairytale day in Mrs. Morris’s music class, I would score both the morning and afternoon classes success rate at 2 out of 3. And you know what the song says….that ain’t bad.
Will I still look tired tomorrow? Yes. Will my feet continue to drag? Most likely. I’m afraid it’s just that season.
Today’s reminders. Kids are aware of those around them. Sometimes they act on and voice that awareness. When they do, I need to watch and listen. I also need to be more aware of those around me-kids and adults. Giving voice to someone else’s ”bad day” might encourage them.
My actions and words have the power to provide what was provided to me today…a much-needed spark.
Pieces of Your Heart
Grandparents are special people. My grandparents were an essential part of my childhood. Spending time with them was important. As a child, you don’t really think about losing them. You imagine they will be part of your world forever. Then you become a young adult, or in my case, a high school student and that idea is shattered.
When my Grandpa Mahar died, it was very sudden. Early on the morning of July 4th, he woke up before anyone else, sat down in his favorite chair, and did not wake up again. We had seen him the day before. The family would be gathering on the 4th to celebrate. How could he be gone?
I mostly remember shock and tears from that day, almost thirty-five years ago now. The reality of my mom losing her dad brought a new perspective on the frailty and brevity of life on this earth. And it was made even more difficult because there had been no chance to say goodbye. This seemed especially hard for my mom and her siblings.
This was not the case for my own children with their first loss of a grandparent. Before my father-n-law passed away, we knew our time was limited. Watching as death approached was not easy, but we found comfort in having time to say goodbye. He will have been gone for three years this coming week, and we miss him more with each passing year.
One circumstance is not easier than the other, just different. Grief is present in both. We hang on tight to memories. We look at photos, share stories, cling to anything that reminds us of the person we lost. And as soon as we think our grief is fading, a birthday, holiday, or other event brings it right back to the forefront.
Sometimes the grief catches us off guard, and we are encompassed by unexpected emotions. How do we respond? That depends on the person, for we are all different. But here are a few personal thoughts:
When tears well up
Let them fall
When your heart aches
Let words flow
When a friend is near
Lean on them
When feeling motionless
Take one step
When tempted to forget
Remember
For that memory
Is a piece of your heart
A memory of my Grandpa Mahar: He is wearing overalls and telling me if I do him a favor, he will dance at my wedding. 😉
A memory of my father-n-law: He would always bring me a box of See’s candy when traveling to California. We both had quite a sweet tooth. 🙂
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4
Seeking Light
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
Your words continue to shed a light
Our hearts continue to seek
Darkness must not be our plight
Your words continue to shed a light
They do not call us in hate to fight
They call us instead to be strong yet meek
Your words continue to shed a light
Our hearts continue to seek
“Shed a Little Light” https://youtu.be/crKDDS5D_os
Cloudy with a Chance of…
A multiple-choice question concerning Oklahoma weather might read something like this:
What was the most likely weather forecast for Tulsa, Oklahoma on January 17, 2019?
- Snow
- Thunderstorms
- Wind Advisory
- All of the above
If you answered number 4, you would be correct! Oklahoma is known for sudden weather changes. A common saying here is-If you don’t like the weather today, don’t worry, it will be different tomorrow. During the month of December alone we have experienced tornadoes, spring-like sunshine, and cold rain. But what about that snow?
Snow has been in the forecast several times this winter. This very week, as a matter of fact. So far this winter, only a dusting. Don’t get me wrong, I have no desire to be stuck at home with 10 feet of snow. But is it too much to ask on these cloudy, damp days for a covering of white? Maybe enough to build a snowman.
Lately we’ve had more cloudy, dreary days than sunny ones. Gray skies with cold rain falling. The kind of days which make me feel blah. Yes, I know its winter, but would it hurt the clouds to part and allow the sun to peak through? I either need some sunshine, or I need it to go ahead and snow.
There is something refreshing about snow. Everything simply disappears. The dead winter grass and mud from recent rains are covered by a fluffy, white blanket. Even though the covering is temporary, it provides a fresh start. A fresh start for things in nature and a fresh start for my attitude.
Once again, the snow which has been in our forecast for tomorrow, this entire week, has disappeared. I must admit I’m rather disappointed.
So, what is the forecast for this weekend? Cloudy with a chance of…your guess is as good as mine! I’m still holding out for snow. 😉 Even though it just started to thunder, pour down rain, and hail. That’s Oklahoma!
Waiting Rooms
Waiting rooms are interesting places. I’ve visited several different ones over the past few days. Some appointments for myself, others for family members. Each waiting room full of people, all there for different reasons…yet all waiting. Waiting for answers, for relief, for some news.
Certain waiting rooms bring a flood of memories. Such was my experience this morning. Some of the memories were sad, but the sadness mingled with sweet faces and comforting voices. As I thought about past events, encouragement from others is what I remembered most clearly.
Other circumstances came to mind throughout the day. A room full of family and friends during my mom’s mastectomy. A dear pastor friend visiting when my father-n-law had surgery for prostate cancer. A phone call during an emergency room visit…the same emergency room I waited in today.
Today’s visit for my sweet mother-n-law was not life-threatening, but the many text messages from friends eased the waiting. Waiting is never easy, but I’m beginning to understand that it does have purpose. Waiting forces us to slow down. Forces us to place our focus on someone else. Reminds us that we are not alone.
Precious reminders come with each visit, phone call, text message, prayer.
Or in a quiet whisper…
“…Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
…even when you’re just waiting.
