Tag: grief

Dear Grief

On By Piano girl5 Comments

My attempts to ignore you
These past few days were futile
You just kept knocking –
I should have expected your visit
After all, It’s Christmas time
Dad loved Christmas
Baking pies, giving gifts, helping others
I miss him–
That’s why I opened the door
And let you in
To remember how much I miss him-
At first, your visit caused panic
Sending me on a fruitless search
Through old voicemails
Somehow, the resulting tears
Cleared space for sweet memories-
One year, when I was grown
Dad gave me a tiny doll for Christmas
I would always be his little girl-
What I’m trying to say is
Keep Knocking, Grief
I may not answer right away
Still, I promise I won’t forget

Simply Sunday

On By Piano girl2 Comments

Too Many Blankets

One can never have
Too many blankets
Lightweight, flowy ones
Perfect for wrapping
Around exposed shoulders
On a surprisingly chilly Spring evening
Plush, heavy ones
Covering all except your face
On a snowy Winter morning
Then there are those blankets
Whose importance resides
Not with their physical qualities
But their purpose in a specific moment
Or particular place in time-
The first swaddle snuggly wrapped
Around your sleeping baby
Grandmother’s quilt
A childhood treasure
Proudly draping the back of your sofa
More than a blanket
More than a memory
A covering of love
Wrapped around your heart
Always ready to comfort,
To warm, to protect
Whether tears fall
In celebration or grief

Time change proved to be a bumpy night in Oklahoma. Heavy rain, strong winds, and tornado sirens filled the overnight. Our power is out. Looking out the window this morning, I see the sky is beginning to lighten, and the wind is calm. I’m grateful to be on the couch with a blanket. We are ok.

Sawdust

On By Piano girl4 Comments

I see your light
Seems impossible
You are no longer here-
I cannot hear your voice
Or hold your hand
Hands rough from years
Of hard work-carpentry
I see your light
As surely as the
Smell of sawdust
From freshly cut wood
Carries me back to
My childhood and you
Just getting home from work
I see your light
In everything you built
A tiny birdhouse
Your grandson’s toybox
Our family home
Churches near and far
I see your light
Reflected in all those
You loved so dearly-
How I wish
I could see your face

How I miss my sweet Dad! There are tears some days. But there are precious memories everyday. ❤️

I wrote this poem in a recent poetry circle. Thankful for such a beautiful, safe space that allows me to be me.

Interlaced

On By Piano girl2 Comments

We hesitate to say
It is so good to see you!
When the circumstances
Bringing us together
Are times of sadness
Yet, those are the times
Seeing you is most needed-
A knowing smile
Through the tears
A quick but strong
Grasp of the hand
A sweet, simple hug
The truth that one person’s life
Has the power to influence so many
On display in real-time with real people
Gathered in an honest attempt
To provide loving support-
Go ahead and say it
It is so good to see you!
Connections interlaced
With grace and
Gratefulness

While seated at a funeral yesterday, we noticed many familiar faces. Memories of my father-in-law’s service eight years ago immediately came flooding back. Many of the same faces were in attendance that day.

Eight years ago, we were the family sitting up front. Yesterday, we were part of the support. Connections across years of life’s experiences.

Miss You

On By Piano girl7 Comments

So many things

Missing from today

Your smiling eyes

Listening as we sing

Happy Birthday to you!

Hearing your most sincere

Thank you, I love you –

But mostly, I’m just missing you

Today would have been Dad’s 80th birthday. We love and miss him so much! But remembering his life makes us smile. 💙

Undertow

On By Piano girl8 Comments

I’m not sure
If sad is
The right word
I’m not sure
If sad is
The right feeling
Sometimes emotions
Seem to trade places
Not in a swirling
Sea of whitecaps
Tossing me from
Side to side
No, more like
A silent undertow
Gently shifting sand
Beneath my feet-
Knowing I can’t
Call you to say
Happy Father’s Day!
But remembering
All the times I heard
Thank you! How’s my little girl?

Wellspring

On By Piano girl7 Comments

I often forget
The depth of the well
And its capacity to hold
The fluidity of feelings
No matter their origin-
Until one sentiment
Rises to the top
Threatening a flood
Before slowly floating
Down, down, down
Once again resting
At the bottom of the well-

What would happen
If the tide was not
Contained
Allowed to spill over
Soaking its surroundings
With grief, joy, sadness, peace…

Perhaps next time
I feel a catch
In my throat
I’ll let all of the tears fall
Then search for my reflection
Along with those of the
Blue sky and green leaves
In the puddle that forms
Beside the tree
Where I choose to rest

Both Places

On By Piano girl8 Comments

I’m getting used to
Not knowing
What to expect
Or how to feel
Choosing
Not to view
This turn of events
In a negative light
That would be
A contradiction,
Would it not?
Light has a way of
Lifting, drawing out
Right as the heart
Begins to cry
Whether the tears
Come from the reality
Of grief’s reminders
Or from the joy
Of new life’s smiles-
Light can live
In both places
Perhaps that lesson
Is teaching me peace
Even in the not knowing

I always look forward to poetry circles with Ali Grimshaw of https://flashlightbatteries.blog/ I wrote the above poem during our most recent circle. Thankful for this space and the precious friends I’ve met. ❤️

Simply Sunday

On By Piano girl6 Comments

I don’t know how
To prepare myself
I’m not sure
It is even possible
Some things are like that
…most things are like that
But this is…different
A certain stopover
On this fresh journey
Known as grief-
So much can change
In the blink of a year
Starting a new job
Becoming a Gigi
Or, in Mom’s case
A Great Grandma
So much remains
The love of family
And missing you

Momentary Stops

On By Piano girl10 Comments

Happily sitting
Soaking
In the smiles
An observer
Of the ones
Who make me
What I am
And fill me
To my core
Precious days
Marked by traditions
And Celebration
Momentary stops
On this continuing
Path called
Carrying Grief
Where the hellos
Grow sweeter
And the goodbyes
Last longer-
A temptation
To hold on too tight
Tries to sneak in
But letting go
Through the tears
Is the only way
To feel fresh air
Enter my lungs
Clear my head
And heal my heart

This Christmas holiday season has been sweet. So much laughter and thoughtful gifts, surrounded by my family. Not to mention the yummy food!

But I was not prepared for the goodbyes.

Goodbyes are reminders of missing. And we are all missing Dad. The goodbyes brought tears and swells of grief. But they also left behind gratitude. A reminder that the depth of missing matches the depth of love.