Tag: family

What’s in a Name?

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Names are significant, the first thing to define us as a person. Expectant parents spend much time choosing just the right one. They may choose the name of a relative or close friend.  A name’s meaning may also play a role in their decision making.  No matter their reasoning, the label is given.  And once you have that name, you have an identity…and a way for people to quickly get your attention.

Take for example my husband, Gart.  No, there’s not supposed to be an “h” on the end. And yes, I’m sure his name is not Gary.  He was named after his great grandfather-although there have been some family disagreements about whether the original name was Gart or Garth-but here we are.  He likes to joke about his name.  Things like–third grade was the worst year, that’s when kids learn to rhyme.  Or–trust me, you don’t want to play the name game with a name like Gart.

His name automatically brings a smile or a quizzical look when first heard.  Most people seem unsure.  As if they’re thinking,  “Did I hear that correctly?” or “Do you realize what that rhymes with?”  The answer to both is, “Yes!”  It is an unusual name, requiring a strong personality.  And adding his sense of humor to that strength creates an amazing combination.

From the time we met, Gart has always had the ability to make me laugh.  I remember early in our relationship one particular evening hanging out with friends.  Someone said, “Hey, Gart—tell us that story again about when you were caught in a tornado!”  Well, next thing you know everyone in the room was seated on the floor in front of him, intently listening to his crazy story.  And soon, we were all rolling on the floor, laughing uncontrollably.  It was as if they were hearing this tale for the first time.

After twenty-five years of marriage, he still makes me laugh—almost on a daily basis.  Not that there haven’t been tears, just ask anyone who knows me.  But it is humor that has kept our relationship strong.  Choosing laughter has helped us through some difficult, stressful situations.  And thankfully his sense of humor has been passed on to our children.  They each show it in their own unique way, but its presence is undeniable.

It makes me wonder.  How did growing up with the name Gart affect the person he is today?  Would his personality be the same if his name had been Gary or Garth?  Silly questions I’m sure.  The important thing is I love him and I love his name.  Truth is, it fits him perfectly.

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Wandering Spirit

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When my children were younger, they had the opportunity to participate in an opera scenes production at the University of Tulsa. I was working there as a staff accompanist at that time and we needed “three spirits” for our production of Mozart’s Magic Flute. Well, it was quite an experience.  Our oldest son Robert followed directions perfectly, as did our daughter Rachel.  But we couldn’t help chuckling as Rachel kept our youngest, Ryan, in line.  Invariably he would stray from their practiced path, and little mama Rachel would gently guide him back.  As a result, Ryan was nicknamed the “wandering spirit.”

I think about that often, as he is now a 6’3, 17-year-old senior in high school.  Others in our family often refer to Ryan as a free spirit. He is our artist, always imaginative, his mind always moving full speed ahead with constant ideas and images.  I love viewing and sharing his work and look forward to seeing where life takes him.

There was a time, however, when I’m not sure we did our best to encourage that creativity.  Ryan was that kid in school teachers often thought was not paying attention. “Easily distracted in class” was a common conference theme.  His backpack was always filled with drawings, on whatever paper he could find.  Art covered homework, though most of the time completed, was not always turned in.  Many clean-out sessions and lectures were held at the kitchen table.

I remember saying things like, “You have to stop drawing all the time at school! You’ve got to focus on your work!”  We were trying to be good parents, making sure his grades matched his ability.  After all, grades would help with college.  Of course, we had no idea what he might do in the future, but we wanted to help him be prepared. We pushed him to work harder, and the early high school years were a challenge.  Of course Ryan, in his “wandering spirit” way didn’t seem to be concerned.

All children are different.  Each with their own interests and personality which need to be cultivated.  As educators, my husband and I would both readily agree.  But as parents, it’s not always easy to apply that knowledge when it comes to our own children.  For our first two children, school work wasn’t an issue.  Of course, they were not perfect but did learn how to “do school” early on.  Very few reminders were needed. Ryan was another story.  Don’t get me wrong, he was not rebellious or a bad student.  He just had his own way of doing things and needed a little extra guidance.

His junior year of high school, it was like a light switch flipped.  The previous summer he had been doing a lot of drawing.  We had gotten him a digital drawing tablet to connect to his laptop, and he asked to take a summer art class.  He also received some animation software as a gift from his brother.  Now we were encouraging his true passion.  Those experiences along with helping him create a class schedule which included some virtual hours gave Ryan the freedom he needed for success.  It was his best school year yet!

This current summer he is once again taking an art class.  The time and effort he spends on his artwork continue to increase.  His creativity amazes me.  I’m so proud of him and his commitment to his work.  As we approach his senior year of high school, there is no question where his interests lie, and it is exciting to hear him talk about studying animation after graduation.  I’m thankful that we did not miss the chance to encourage Ryan’s imagination.

It is tempting to think our children should fit into a perfect mold like little soldiers always walking a straight line.  What a boring world that would make!  Yes, there is a need for discipline and structure. Just not at the expense of creativity and purpose.

I want my “wandering spirit” to continue traveling his own path. He is very comfortable in his own skin, and I never want that to change. No matter how far his wanderings may take him, I hope he finds time to make his way back home.  And never forgets how much we love him—exactly the way he is.

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Check out more of his work on Instagram–numbskull19

 

Cousin Truths

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Twenty-four!  That’s how many first cousins I have on my mom’s side of the family.  With twenty-four cousins, there was always somebody ready to play.  Kickball, basketball, riding bikes, king-of-the-hill on grandma’s front porch-never an excuse for boredom!

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As much as we loved playing together, we were not always nice to each other. One particular story comes to mind.  I was spending the night at Aunt Mary’s house.  She had six girls but was always willing to add one more.  Her oldest daughter, Rebecca, was born twenty days after me, and we were always close growing up.  One of us could be pretty bossy-not saying which one…

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We loved to play pretend.  This particular day we were playing house. Rebecca and I were the moms, the younger sisters divided between us as our kids.  A make-believe phone call was made, an invitation to visit offered, with only one condition.  Barbara could tag along, but not Janice-she would have to stay home.  In other words, we didn’t want to play with Janice.  The youngest of our pretend family, we decided she was too little to play.

Well, Aunt Mary got wind of our little plan, as usual.  She sat us down for a chat.  “Girls, imagine if I invited your Aunt Geneva over for coffee, and told her to bring Aunt Martha, but not Aunt Linda (her youngest sister).  How do you think that would make your Aunt Linda feel?”  Of course, that would not be nice, and sounded completely ridiculous!  We got the message.

I know it sounds simple, but sometimes simple is exactly what we need.  Gentle reminders, for both children and adults, encouraging us to walk in another’s shoes. Remembering our actions are capable of greatly impacting the feelings of others.

At that moment, Aunt Mary could have simply given us a consequence or made us go play outside.  After all, there were seven girls playing inside the house!  Instead, she chose to be calm and thoughtful in her response, giving us a real-life situation we could easily understand-and would never forget.

Thankful for cousin memories and the wisdom of simple truths.

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Twenty-One Today

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Twenty-one today, how can that be?

Seems only yesterday, you were just three

Bossy at times, so sassy and sweet

A perfect description, your Dad would agree

 

Today all grown up-compassionate and strong

Advocating for special needs, desiring all to belong

Embracing the future, choosing hope in the world you see

A beautiful young woman standing in front of me

 

Today I remember your blue eyes and curls

Treasuring sweet times with my sassy little girl

Remembering the past but not lingering too long

Learning from you what it means to be strong

 

Letting go while holding on is where I find myself

Cherishing the pictures which sit on my shelf

So thankful I’m your mom and you’re my sweet girl

Happy Birthday, Dear Rachel!  Today is all yours!

 

 

Yellow Roses

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Yellow roses are quite captivating.  Yellow is not my favorite color, but when it paints the petals of a rose, it causes me to remember sweet faces.  Memories of my Grandma Mahar and my father-n-law immediately come to mind.  They both loved growing roses, and yellow ones always seemed extra special.

Last week I saw yellow roses in a new way.  A beautiful cascade covered my Aunt Pearl’s casket, a single yellow rose placed carefully in her hands.  Their beauty, like a blanket of peace, provided comfort during a difficult time.  I would imagine Pearl’s love of roses came from her mother, my grandma.  And that she passed that love on to her children.

Flowers in this setting may seem insignificant to some, but I would disagree.  Anytime objects bring to mind images of those we love, they have value.  If we allow them to jog our memory, a cascade of yellow roses may turn into a flood of sweet faces.  Faces of those who loved us.  Faces we never want to forget.

Photographs and Memories

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I love photographs. They represent moments in time, ranging from silly to significant. Possessing the power to take us back, these images flood our minds with a cascade of thoughts and memories.

That is true of this photo. Pictured are the three amazing individuals who call me mom.  As a surprise for my 50th birthday, they secretly learned my favorite James Taylor song, Like Everyone She Knows. The picture was taken right after their living room performance, a moment which begged to be captured.

My husband introduced me to the song when we were dating, over twenty-five years ago.  There was an immediate connection, and I continue to listen often.  The line “hold tight to your heart’s desire” always seems to be speaking directly to my soul.

Now I not only have memories connected to the song, I also have this precious photograph.  A reminder of my sweet kids and their thoughtful gift.

A perfect moment in time…

kids song

 

 

 

Saying Goodbye

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We celebrate life from the very beginning-baby showers, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, promotions.  These events bring happiness, reminding us of the beauty of life.  But how do we respond to death?  How do we prepare to say goodbye?

Although I’d experienced the death of family and friends in the past, I’d never witnessed the process of dying until the passing of my father-n-law.  Our family was given precious time to reminisce, create final memories, and say goodbye.  Sadness mingled with gratefulness as we each had the chance to say,  “Remember when…?  I love you.  We will be ok.  God is with you.”  While coping with the grief that followed, my mom reminded me of the following verse:

”God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.”  Psalm 46:  1-4.

Today it is my mom’s turn to witness this process of dying.  She will soon be saying goodbye to her oldest sister.  In preparation there have been family gatherings filled with memories, laughter, and tears. Today my prayer is that mom, her siblings, and my cousins will fall further into that refuge and strength spoken of in Psalm 46.  Even though sadness and grief will surely come, my hope is for peace found in having had the precious privilege of saying goodbye.

 

Like Daughter, Like Mother

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I know, I know, you’d expect that to read Like Mother, Like Daughter.  People often describe how children look like, sound like and act like their parents.  As we grow older, we begin to understand the opposite is also true.  The voices of our own parents can be heard when we speak and their images seen in our reflections.  Perhaps wisdom allows us to see our children as teachers through a two-way mirror Continue reading “Like Daughter, Like Mother” →

Coffee

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My earliest memories of coffee stem from my Grandma Mahar’s house.  Always a fresh pot brewing, Grandma was glad to share a cup.  She had nine children and twenty-six grandchildren, so someone was bound to stop by for a visit.  Visit is the key word, because in our family, drinking coffee meant conversations around the kitchen table.

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Several years ago I realized coffee for me equates to a comfort food due to this strong childhood connection.  Not only does it provide literal warmth, it also provides fond memories of growing up in a family that talked, listened, argued, disagreed, and loved, often over a cup of coffee.

Today getting coffee is a common social convention.  Whether it’s friends visiting, a nervous first date, a job interview, each may be witnessed at the local coffee shop on any given day. Some may consider the practice routine or mundane.  As for me, an invitation to coffee is neither.  It’s an invitation to talk, laugh, maybe even cry-enjoying the time our paths are allowed to cross.

Coffee

Fancy or Plain

Black or With Cream

Home or Coffee Shop

Makes no difference to me

Coffee

Warmth and Comfort

Friendship and Family

Laughter and Memories

More than it appears to be

My Father-n-law

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Today we celebrated Father’s Day.  I prepared the requested chicken enchiladas and yellow cake with chocolate frosting for lunch.  Our family, including my mother-n-law, spent the afternoon together, ending our day seeing The Incredibles ii.  Such a nice day!  But someone was missing, my father-n-law.  He passed away February 2, 2016 after a hard fought battle with cancer.  Many moments today I sensed we were all thinking the same thing-we miss Dad, Papa, Bob.  None of us said anything, but his memory was present.

We do talk about him often. How he liked to razz the grandchildren about their love interests.  My mother-n-law once called him the nosiest man alive! How he would do everything in his power to make sure we all had what we needed and wanted.  He was so very generous.  We  knew he loved us, no doubts!  Though our celebrations may now feel incomplete, they must continue.  They must be sprinkled with precious memories of this one who teased us, quizzed us, provided for us, and loved us so well.