Tag: anxiety

Turbulence

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During my young adult years, the thought of flying brought an almost paralyzing fear.  In my head I knew it was not logical.  After all, people flew all over the world every day.  Yet there it stood like a brick wall, ready to block my path to future travels and adventures.

The one thing I truly hated about flying-turbulence.  Even when the pilot would say, “Excuse me folks, please keep your seatbelts fastened, we are expecting some turbulence up ahead,” it still felt unexpected to me when it happened.  This sudden occurrence would bring anxious thoughts and a nervous knot in the pit of my stomach.

Deep inside I knew the positives of flying far outweighed this one negative.  Reaching a faraway destination quickly, viewing the clouds from above, seeing the sunrise as you’re landing-amazing perspectives almost impossible to experience except when flying.

As I’ve gotten older and flown more often, my fears have begun to fade.  Oh, I still get that knot in the pit of my stomach when those unstable winds hit, but it passes much more quickly these days.  I’m also glad to say I am now able to survive take-off and landing without tightly closing my eyes and taking a multitude of deep breaths…progress, right?

Flying out of Tulsa this morning I once again experienced this unsettling phenomenon. I began to think about how it compares to life.  As each of us travels our own path, we will without a doubt encounter turbulent times-those events which shake us, challenge us, frighten us, and cause us grief.  A move, job change, loss of a family member or friend.  The list goes on and on…and it is unavoidable.

Those thoughts left me with questions. How do I respond during those stormy times?  Do I become paralyzed with fear?  Have my responses changed with experience and maturity?  As to the last question-maybe-I hope so.  But truthfully, the answer to all those questions depends on the severity of the storm.

As I continue on my journey with hope for reaching my destination, I must learn to live with both the turbulent as well as the smooth parts of the flight.  Yes, oftentimes the journey will be difficult, but it will also be beautiful.  Either way, I must keep flying and believe that it will all be worth it in the end.

 

“Casting the whole of your cares (all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all) on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.”   I Peter 5:7

“For this God is our God for ever and ever;  he will be our guide even to the end.”     Psalm 48:14

Champion

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What is a champion?  The word often brings thoughts of athletes, winning the ultimate game.  Webster’s definition includes warrior, fighter, defender, one fighting for the rights of others, and lastly the winner of a competition.  Although I like the order of those descriptions, there is much more to this idea of being a champion.  Or at least there should be…

Do I think of myself as being a champion in my role as wife? Mom? Teacher? Friend?   Truthfully, no.  But what if I did?  After all, each role is important and has the power to influence and encourage my family, friends, students, and community.  What if I consistently worked hard at improving my skills in each role?

The official music video for Carrie Underwood’s song “The Champion” (feat. Ludacris) does a beautiful job of expressing the broadness of this word.  Included in the lyrics are invincible, unstoppable, unshakable-mixed with images of hard work, honesty, integrity, and sacrifice.  People from all walks of life, facing every kind of challenge imaginable, working hard,  persevering.

I love watching my students’ reactions to this video.  Of course, the song is energetic and exciting.  They love to sing along.  When I ask what people they notice, the answers are all over the place-football player, swimmer, surfer, soldier, someone with cancer, a person with prosthetic legs-you get the idea.

What they don’t usually notice, however, are the students, teachers, parents-doing everyday things.  They are students.  As I like to remind them, doing school is their job.  But do they consider themselves champions in that role of being a student?  This is not a naturally occurring thought for them-or for us as parents and teachers either I’m afraid…

It’s never too late for a new mindset, right?

So where to begin?  The answer will be different for each of us.  For me personally, maintaining motivation is a constant struggle.  Lack of sleep, feeling tired, possibly getting sick-anxiety levels begin to rise leading quickly to negative thoughts-I don’t think I can keep doing this, am I a good teacher, have I been a good mom-a rapid, downward spiral pulls me away from the much-needed motivation.

Sometimes the spiral slows with a prayer, a deep breath, a confession of feelings to a trusted friend. Other times it requires tears, and possibly a nap.  Thoughts begin to refocus. A successful lesson, an encouraging word from a colleague, and a reminder that what I do has value, and therefore requires hard work.

Eventually, the search for motivation begins all over again, and I look for ways to make changes and improvements in my chosen roles. And who knows? Maybe there will be that moment where I feel like a champion.

Even better–maybe someone who crosses my path will feel like a champion.

 

The Simple Things

On By Piano girl2 Comments

This morning I was running late for church.  Normally I arrive at least ten minutes early so I can double-check my piano music-make sure all the corners are turned up, everything is in the correct order-then I have a minute to breathe.  Well, today that routine was completely thrown off.

As I quickly walked in, I knew I had to skip my music checking system and rush upstairs to the choir room for warm-up.  Of course, they had already started so I sleeked in and quietly sat down at the piano.  While playing their vocal exercises, I found myself taking deep breaths, trying to calm the anxiousness that came from being completely out of balance.

As we headed downstairs to rehearse with the orchestra, the director spoke with kindness, expressing that she also was having a rough morning.  Knowing someone else was willing to admit that they felt off-their-game helped my tension begin to fade.  I felt a little better.

Walking toward the piano to prepare for the service, I noticed a note card sitting where my music would go.  Hmm… What is that?  Is it meant for me?  Who placed it there? Questions which remain unanswered.  Yet it was exactly what I needed at that very moment.  A simple note of encouragement-Joshua 1:9 and “Do good.”  I smiled and felt confident in the task ahead.

Reflecting over these seemingly simple acts-kind words from someone who acknowledged my stress and a sweet note from a stranger-I began to think about how many times I miss the chance to do the same for someone else.  It really doesn’t take much to brighten someone’s day. But it does require me to look past myself and pay more attention to those who cross my path.

Easier said than done I know-but a goal for the coming week.

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Unpleasant Companion

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Today began my summer music job with Rose Rock Opera Institute, bringing an opportunity to do several things I enjoy. Reconnecting with old friends, meeting new people, and most of all-playing piano.  I would be accompanying voice lessons for some amazingly talented young singers.

So why did I wake up several times during the night in a cold sweat?  Why did the day start with a knot in my stomach?  Why was there a veil of fog to push through while getting ready?  That unpleasant companion-anxiety.  Not the old friend with which I wished to reconnect, yet there it was.

As I prepared for the day, my heart racing, there was only one thing to do.  Keep moving, putting one foot in front of the other. Prayers, deep breaths and listening to some James Taylor also helped.

Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not suggesting anxiety is something you just get over.  I’ve been very honest about my views on medication and its helpfulness.  In this instance however, it was important for me to recognize the anxiety, name it, and brainstorm ways to cope.  Acknowledging its presence was the first step.

Did this unpleasant companion ruin my day?  No.  I did reconnect with old friends, meet new people, and play beautiful music. Although it faded as the day progressed, it did not completely disappear.  Will it still be tagging along when I return to Rose Rock tomorrow?  Possibly.  But it will not keep me from returning.