A Matter of the Heart

I have a storage closet inside my music classroom. Shelves lining both walls hold musical instruments. There are stacks of chairs in one corner and drums in the other.

At various times in the year, certain sets come out.

There is a narrow walkway between the shelving.

More than once this school year, I’ve glanced in there with the following thought: would I be able to fit an entire class of students in here? I’m not sure. If I quickly moved some things out. But would there be enough time?

That is where I stop my spiraling thoughts. Any further, and they’d be unbearable.

Every day, I stand on the sidewalk outside my school. Along with colleagues and student volunteers, make sure kids get safely to their cars.

Several times during the year, I almost left my phone inside the building. But then one thought would invade-what if something happens? An emergency? And quickly, I’d put my phone in my back pocket.

I’m not the only one carrying the weight of such thoughts. But we rarely talk about them. Until another tragedy occurs and we realize it could have been our school, our students, or our friends.

I see the sweet faces of the Uvalde, TX victims in photos shared by loved ones. I see the desperation in the sobs of those left to mourn and question.

My heart breaks.

But my sadness quickly turns to anger as I listen to sound bites. As I hear political figures speak of rights instead of solutions, perpetrators instead of victims.

There are solutions. And please don’t tell me there are no laws or policy changes that would affect this epidemic of gun violence in our country. There are. And they are logical. Why do we refuse to take a stand in their favor? Well, that’s a matter of the heart.

https://www.nytimes.com/


Our descendants weep
As the blood
Of the innocent
Soaks the ground
Beneath the feet
Of misplaced allegiance

Only Tears

The sky wept
Thru the night
Quieting only
For moments
At a time
To take a quick
Breath of air
That offered
No relief

No lightening
To break
The vast darkness
No thunder
To break
The veil of grief
Only the tears
Of broken hearts
Forever flowing

It must have been raining all over the world.

When?

Another
School day
Filled with
Laughter
Learning
Love
Shattered
By sounds
Gunshots
Impact
Screams
Cries for help
Violent deaths
Followed by
Silence-
Children
Teachers
Hiding, frightened
Training put
Into action
Training
That should never
Have been necessary
For actions
That should never
Have occurred

When will we decide enough is enough?
When will we choose love instead of hate?
When will we weep instead of arguing?

Mourn for
Innocent lives
Left lying
On the floor
Of the very place
They should have been safe

Today was our last day of school. Smiles, tears, good-byes. Ready for summer break. I drove home, exhausted. And then, I heard the news of another school shooting at an elementary school.

Listening to the reports was heartbreaking. And then there was a comment about training. The fact that students and teachers were hiding as they practiced. The same drills I have had to discuss or practice with students. It should not be this way. 💔

Simply Sunday

Forever

Such a strange
Thought
Forever
I’m not sure it’s
Understandable
But certainly
Beautiful
I haven’t seen you in forever!
Spoken with joy
Spoken with regret
Both can fill
The same space
Other times
The word seals
Every hole
In the heart
Despite lack of
Understanding
Will you marry me?
And this is forever…

Received with security
Received with doubts
Both can fill
The same space
Twenty-nine years
Of forever, so far
And I still don’t
Fully understand
But I am grateful
That forever
Continues
To grow


Happy Anniversary To Us! ❤️

Super Kids

Fresh air
Sunshine
Running
Jumping
Spinning
Friends
Playing
Getting ready
For summer-
Next year
Some will return
Some will move up
Some will move away
But today is not about that!
There will be
Scrapes and tears
Fusses and squabbles
Maybe even
A few rocks
Thrown
Yet, at the end of the day
What will they remember?
Playing with
Their friends
Being silly with
Their teachers
And, of course
Eating popsicles-
Because
Super Kids Day
Is all about super kids

From Above

A flash
Wings
Aflutter
An audible
Gasp!
One might
Think I had
Never seen
A cardinal
Before

Why so curious a reaction?

Marveling
Over a new
Perspective
Beauty on
Full display
Feathers
Unfurled
In-flight
Observed
From above

The school year is quickly winding down. Today was fifth-grade graduation! This group of kiddos can be challenging, but they also can surprise. Today, they rose to the occasion and sang My Shot from the musical Hamilton for their graduation ceremony.

Our district photographer captured a shot of me leading them. This tired teacher, ready for summer, was full of energy. Perhaps, like with the cardinal, it was all in my perspective. ❤️

Do I look excited, or what? 😉

Outside In

Felt like a stranger
Looking in
A window
Confused by
The actions
Witnessed
Tones detected
Perceiving
A cycle
Of frustration
Embarrassment
Tears and
Exhaustion
Asking questions
Inside my head
What is wrong?
Why so upset?


Felt like a stranger
Looking in
A window
But I was not
A stranger
And I was not
Looking in
A window
It was a mirror
My reflection
In the panes-
A realization
That left me
Wondering
Whether to take
A step back
Or lean in closer

Admitting feelings of anxiety and depression is not always easy. And even harder to explain. This poem is an attempt to describe that feeling of being outside myself. Knowing my actions and feelings don’t make sense, but having difficulty controlling them.

I share because someone reading may need to know they are not alone. And simply put, it helps me accept my reflection with a bit more grace and understanding. ❤️

Simply Sunday

It has been a whirlwind of a week. And another is fast approaching. Such is the end of the school year. There are many things I would like to share. But today, photos will have to suffice. ❤️

Sneaky Sun

The sun was
Playing tricks
On me
Hide-n-seek
Perhaps
In its rosy
Sunrise pink
Look at me
This morning

Kind of smile
Peeking out
From behind
Wispy clouds
First to my right
Then to my left
Out of sight
And then…
Surprise!
Right in front
Of my eyes
Hmmm
I know this
Sneaky sun
Wasn’t really
Moving
No, that was me!
Always
Changing
Directions-
But it sure
Was fun
To pretend

Simply Sunday

Seamless

Those clouds
Perfection
I rarely use
That word
Perfection
But following
Several days
Covered in
A dome of
Grey clouds
Torrential
Rainfall and
Gusty winds
Perfection
Is the only
Fitting word
Stepping
Outside
To that first
Clear blue sky
Spotted with
Toy Story clouds
Framed with
Bright green trees-
My spirit lifted
With one
Seamless
Deep breath…
Perfection

Happy Mother’s Day! Thankful for the time spent with my three grown children this weekend! ❤️